But, folks, what I really want
to tell you about is, there's
a conspiracy out there.
The government's trying to keep
secrets from each and every one
They've conveniently removed
little statistics and facts from
all the schoolbooks and
textbooks and libraries all over
Like, for example,
the government doesn't want you
to know this:
John F. Kennedy is not dead.
He's hiding out.
He's a wookie.
If you were to shave Chewbacca,
you'd find JFK under all that
And for those of you that don't
believe my little theory, listen
real close to one of JFK's more
[monotone voice] "Ask not what
your country can do for you, but
ask what you can do for your
© 2015 Comedy Partners. All Rights Reserved. Comedy Central and all related titles, logos and characters are trademarks of comedy partners.