Hannibal Buress - Next Big Blind Guy

  • Season 1 , Ep 3
  • 01/22/2010
  • Views: 15,785

Simon Wilson made the list of the "Top 10 Blind Guys You Should Know" this year. (1:59)

BUT I'M A VISIONARY.

(laughter)

AND I TELL YOU WHAT WE NEEDIN AMERICA RIGHT NOW.

WE NEED A NEW FAMOUSBLIND GUY.

WE NEED A NEW FAMOUS BLIND GUY.I'LL TELL YOU WHY.

BECAUSE RAY CHARLES DIED.

STEVIE WONDER MAY ONLY HAVE15 YEARS LEFT OR SOMETHING,

AND WHEN HE DIES,WE GONNA BE OUT OF LUCK

FOR REFERENCES, METAPHORS,AND ANALOGIES.

THAT'S WHY I GOT MY OWNBLIND GUY, MET HIM AT THE STORE,

AND HE LET ME USE HIS NAME.

SO NOW IF I'M ATA BASKETBALL GAME,

I'M LIKE, "REF,THAT WAS A FOUL!

SIMON WILSON COULD HAVESEEN THAT."

EVERYBODY LIKE,"WHO THE HELL IS SIMON WILSON?"

I'M LIKE, "THAT'S THE NEXTBIG BLIND GUY.

"YOU DON'T KNOWABOUT SIMON WILSON?

"HE MADE THE LIST OF THE TOPTEN BLIND GUYS

YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUTTHIS YEAR."

WHEN YOUR HAIRCUTIS MESSED UP,

"WHAT?IS SIMON WILSON YOUR BARBER?"

(laughter)

"WHO THE HELLIS SIMON WILSON?!"

(laughter)

I JUST GOT THIS NEWOFFICE JOB,

AND IT'S WEIRD WORKING INAN OFFICE,

'CAUSE I DON'T KNOWHOW MANY TIMES

I'M SUPPOSED TO SAY HELLOTO PEOPLE THROUGHOUT THE DAY.

(laughter)

'CAUSE I KEEP SEEINGTHE SAME PEOPLE.

I'M LIKE,"I SAW YOU 45 MINUTES AGO.

"SHOULD I SAY HELLO OR SHOULDI JUST GRUMBLE UNDER MY BREATH?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO."

I JUST MADE MY RULE--

IF I SAY HELLO TOYOU THREE TIMES ON MONDAY,

I'LL SAY NOTHINGTO YOU ON TUESDAY.

YOU'RE HELLOED OUTFOR THE WEEK.

(laughter)

IT'S GREAT, WE GOT INTERNSAT THE JOB,

YOU CAN JUST TELL THEMTO DO STUFF.

YOU GOT TO BE NICE, THOUGH,

I HAD THIS CAT FAX SOMETHING.I HAND HIM A COUPLE OF PAGES.

AND I'M HANDING HIMANOTHER PAGE,

I SAY, "HEY, MAN, FAXSOMETHING FOR YOURSELF, TOO."

THAT'S THE TYPE OF GUY I AM.I'M A NICE GUY.

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