Kellye Howard - I Love You, But...

Season 1 , Ep 5 08/01/10 Views: 5,172

Kellye Howard didn't know that the guy she was dating had broken up with her. (3:31)

'CAUSE I'M HAPPYABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP STATUS.

I'M ABOUT TO GET MARRIED.

[cheers and applause]

YES. YES. [chuckles]

I JUST DON'T KNOW TO WHO YET.

FOR REAL.

MY BIGGEST PROBLEM WITH MENIS THE DEFINITION

THAT THEY TRY TO PLACE ON US

WHEN WE'RE DEALINGWITH EACH OTHER.

LADIES, YOU KNOW WHAT I'MTALKING ABOUT.

THAT F-WORD.OOH, I CAN'T DO IT!

YOU KNOW, WE GOING OUT,WE SPENDING TIME, ME AND YOU,

YOU KNOW, WE TOUCHING,RUBBING, HUGGING.

I DONE MET YOUR KID,PRETENDING LIKE I LIKE HIM,

AND I KNOW I DON'T,YOU KNOW.

WE COOKING, YOU KNOW.

YOU EATING MY HOT DOG SOUFFLEKNOWING YOU DON'T LIKE IT.

YOU KNOW, WE JUST REALLYENJOYING EACH OTHER.

AND ONE DAY WE LAID UPAFTER DOING GROWN FOLK STUFF,

AND YOU SAY "MAN, BABY,

"I'VE NEVER HAD...A FRIEND...

LIKE YOU."

LADIES!

YOU ALREADY KNOWWHAT I'M GOING THROUGH.

'CAUSE WHY YOU AIN'T TELL MEI WAS YOUR FRIEND

BEFORE I GOT ALL UP IN THAT,YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

'CAUSE THERE'S TWO DIFFERENTTYPES OF, UH,

ORAL COMMUNICATION,

IF Y'ALL KNOWWHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

YOU GOT THE RELATIONSHIPORAL COMMUNICATION

AND THEN YOU GOT THE DATINGORAL COMMUNICATION.

DATING IS LIKE THIS.

"OH. [kisses] I DON'T KNOWWHAT I'M DOING.

YOU LIKE THAT?"

AND THEN A RELATIONSHIP,YOU "WHAH!"

YOU--YOU GETTING ALL UPIN THAT.

YOU KNOW. CALL ME LIL' BUDDY,DON'T CALL ME FRIEND.

I GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT.YOU KNOW.

I ALSO GOT A PROBLEMWITH MY LADIES.

I LOVE THEM TO DEATH.

BUT I GOT A PROBLEMWITH CHICKS

THAT TRY TO PRETENDLIKE THEY AIN'T NEVER BEEN

THAT CHICK BEFORE.

EVERY WOMAN IN THIS CROWDDONE BEEN THAT CHICK BEFORE.

AND Y'ALL KNOW WHAT CHICKI'M TALKING ABOUT.

THIS CHICK RIGHT HERE.[knocking]

"I KNOW SHE UP THERE!

"YOU GONNA TRY TO ACTLIKE THIS AIN'T HER CAR?

"OH, OKAY. DON'T EVEN TRIP'CAUSE YOU KNOW

"I GOT SOMETHING FOR THAT.

"CRAIG, LOOK, YOU KNOWI WOULDN'T NORMALLY CALL YOU

"AT 4:00 IN THE MORNINGLIKE THIS,

"BUT, UM, RUN THESE PLATES:J16329-.

"IF IT COME BACK SMITH,IT'S GOING DOWN,

'CAUSE I KNOW IT'S THAT HO!"

Y'ALL ACTING LIKE Y'ALL AIN'TNEVER BEEN THAT CHICK BEFORE.

YOU KNOW,I HAD THIS ONE GUY.

WE WAS DATING,AND, UM, HE BROKE UP WITH ME,

BUT I DIDN'T KNOW.

YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE HE USEDTHAT "I LOVE YOU, BUT."

GENTLEMEN, THAT IS NOTA BREAKUP LINE.

"I LOVE YOU, BUT" MEANS

"I LOVE YOU, BUT I NEED YOUTO STAY IN THE VICINITY

UNTIL I GET MYSELF TOGETHER."

THAT'S WHAT THAT MEANS.SO HE BROKE UP WITH ME.

AND I DIDN'T KNOW.

SO I'M STILL CALLING HIMEVERY DAY.

SO ONE DAY HE PICKED UPAFTER, LIKE, FOUR MONTHS.

AND I WAS, LIKE,"OH, MY GOD! BABY!

I MISS YOU!"

AND THEN SHE GOIN'TO SNATCH THE PHONE

TALKING ABOUT SOME, UH,

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

"CAN'T YOU SEE HE DON'TWANT YOU NO MORE?

WHY IS YOU CALLING HIMLIKE THIS?"

AND I WAS, LIKE,"THAT'S ALL HE HAD TO SAY."

YOU KNOW.AND I'M A LITTLE WEIRD.

I'M KIND OF STALK-ISH.

UH, SO, LIKE, SIX MONTHS LATER,I WAS BORED,

AND I KNEW HIS VOICEMAILPASS CODE SO I CALLED.

AND, UM, SHE'S ON THERETALKING ABOUT,

[imitates crying]"I DON'T UNDERSTAND

"WHY THIS CAN'T WORK OUT.

AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH."

AND IT TOOK EVERY BITOF CHRISTIANITY IN MY SOUL

NOT TO CALL HER AND SAY"UH-HUH, BOO-BOO!

HE DON'T WANT US NO MORE."

Loading...