Todd Glass - George Carlin Impression

  • Season 5 , Ep 16
  • 10/14/2001
  • Views: 4,318

Todd Glass does an impression of George Carlin lost in a warehouse. (2:38)

HERE TONIGHT, I'M SURE WE HAVE

PEOPLE THAT ARE FROM ALL

PROFESSIONS.

WE HAVE ANY TEACHERS HERE?

DOES ANYBODY DO THAT FOR A

LIVING?

MY BROTHER SPENCE IS A TEACHER,

THAT'S A HARD JOB, I REALLY DO

HAVE A LOT OF ADMIRATION FOR

TEACHERS, I LOOK BACK AND I HAVE

SO MUCH ADMIRATION FOR A LOT OF

MY TEACHERS.

BUT THEN YOU REALIZE YOU HAD

SOME TEACHERS THAT WERE BAD,

YOU KNOW?

ONE OF MY TEACHERS, ONCE,

SHE GOES, MR. GLASS, WHEN THEY

WERE HANDING OUT BRAINS,

YOU THOUGHT THEY SAID TRAINS

AND YOU SAID, I DON'T WANT TO GO

ANYWHERE.

I SAID, YEAH, WHEN THEY WERE

HANDING OUT PERSONALITIES,

YOU THOUGHT THEY SAID WHO WANTS

TO BE A MEAN WHORE.

HA, HA, HA.

THANK YOU.

(BAND PLAYS MARCHING BAND MUSIC)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

LOOK, I'M JAY LENO.

I LIKE THAT MUSIC.

GOD, WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT IF YOU

HAD THAT MUSIC IN REAL LIFE?

THAT'S LIKE THAT PRESIDENTIAL

MUSIC.

THEY SAY WE RUN THE COUNTRY,

BUT YOU DON'T HEAR THAT MUSIC

WHEN YOU WALK OUT YOUR FRONT

DOOR EVERY MORNING.

YOU'D BE IN A BETTER MOOD,

YOU KNOW?

WHAT IF YOU WALKED OUT YOUR

FRONT DOOR AND YOU HEARD THAT

EVERY MORNING, JUST WALKED OUT

YOUR FRONT DOOR AND YOU HEARD

THAT.

WOULDN'T YOU BE IN A BETTER

MOOD?

♪ (MARCHING MUSIC PLAYS)

HI, BOB.

HOW ARE YOU?

(MUSIC STOPS)

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I FLEW

HERE ON AH, WHEN DID I FLY HERE?

FLEW HERE ON TUESDAY.

AH, FLEW HERE TUESDAY.

PEOPLE IN FIRST CLASS, WHEW,

DID YOU EVER WALK BY THE PEOPLE

IN FIRST CLASS?

DON'T THEY HAVE AN ATTITUDE?

DID YOU EVER WALK BY THEM,

SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TO LOOK AT

YA, I'M JUST A PIECE OF (BLEEP)

HEADING INTO THE POOR AREA.

(LAUGHTER)

SORRY DIDN'T MEAN TO LOOK AT

YOU.

THEY LOOK AT YOU LIKE WE

GET ON THE PLANE FIRST AND WE

GET OUR DRINKS FIRST.

I FEEL LIKE GOING AND YOU HIT

THE MOUNTAIN FIRST, TOO.

OKAY YA PIECE A...

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

ALL RIGHT FOLKS, IT'S TIME FOR

MORE IMPRESSIONS.

MY IMPRESSION OF GEORGE CARLIN

LOST IN A WAREHOUSE.

(IMITATING GEORGE CARLIN)

WHY DO THEY CALL IT A WAREHOUSE?

YOU DON'T WEAR IT AND IT AIN'T A

HOUSE.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

(APPLAUSE)

♪ (MUSIC PLAYS)

GEORGE CARLIN, I MEAN, I ADMIRE

GEORGE CARLIN, OF COURSE I DO.

I THINK ALL COMICS DO.

SEE I LIKE WHEN GEORGE GETS A

LITTLE CARRIED AWAY WITH THE

BITS.

LIKE, THE STEWARDESS SAYS GET ON

THE PLANE.

(BLEEP) YOU, I'M GETTING

IN THE PLANE!

ALL RIGHT, SHUT UP.

YOU KNOW WHAT SHE MEANS GET ON

THE PLANE.

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