Brian Regan - Goodbye Dairy, Hello Cranberries

  • Season 3 , Ep 14
  • 09/07/2000
  • Views: 31,996

Dairy products equal happiness. (1:14)

THAT'S WHAT--

THAT'S WHAT MY DOCTOR THREW INAS I WAS LEAVING HIS OFFICE.

"OH, AND LAY OFF DAIRY."

I'M LIKE,"WHAT THE HELL?

WHAT KIND OF BLANKET SWEEPIS THAT?"

"LAY OFF DAIRY."

HE SHOULD HAVE JUST SAID,"AND NO MORE HAPPINESS."

I'M TRYING TO LAY OFF DAIRY.

I'M IN THE SUPERMARKETWITH MY LITTLE CART,

AND I'M TRYING TO AVOIDTHE DAIRY AISLE.

I CAN SEE THEY ALL HAVEPARTY HATS ON OVER THERE.

[laughter]

OVER IN THE JUICE AISLE.

I LEARNED SOMETHINGIN THE JUICE AISLE, THOUGH,

AND THAT IS,

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IN THE HELLIS GOING ON WITH CRANBERRIES,

BUT THEY'RE GETTING INALL THE OTHER JUICES.

WHOEVER THE SALESMAN ISFOR CRANBERRIES

IS DOING A GREAT JOB.

HE'S SHOWING UP EVERYWHERE.

"HEY, WHAT DO YOU GOT,SOME APPLES?

"PUT SOME CRANBERRIES IN,AND WE'LL CALL IT CRAN-APPLE.

"WHAT YOU GOT, GRAPES?HOW ABOUT CRAN-GRAPE?

"WHAT YOU GOT, MANGOES?CRAN-MANGO.

WHAT DO YOU GOT, PORK CHOPS?CRAN-CHOPS."

[laughter]

WHY DON'T YOU BACK OFF,CRANBERRY MAN?

WHY DON'T YOUTAKE YOUR SALES TROPHY

AND HAVE A VACATION.

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