Mike Britt - Men and Women

  • Season 6 , Ep 4
  • 05/12/2002
  • Views: 5,657

SEPTEMBER 11th.

THAT'S A GOOD THING.

YOU KNOW, I JUST RECENTLY

GOT MARRIED.

(APPLAUSE)

HEY!

HEY!

YOU DON'T KNOW HER.

YOU DON'T KNOW NOTHIN'

ABOUT HER.

WHAT YOU CLAPPING FOR?

IT'S GOOD.

BUT YOU KNOW ONE THING I NOTICE.

IT DOESN'T, IT DOESN'T MAKE

A DIFFERENCE WHETHER YOU'RE

MARRIED OR NOT.

I'M GOING TO TELL YOU WHAT

THE PROBLEM IS.

MEN AND WOMEN, WE JUST GONNA

ALWAYS GOING TO SEE THINGS

DIFFERENTLY.

WE NEVER GOING TO SEE THINGS

THE SAME.

RIGHT?

LIKE, A PERFECT EXAMPLE.

WOMEN CAN GET DISRESPECTED

BY A SEXUAL COMMENT.

RIGHT?

NO WOMAN WANTS TO HEAR A MAN

MAKE A SEXUAL COMMENT TO THEM,

YOU KNOW, TRY TO TALK TO THEM.

MOST WOMEN, RIGHT?

YOU DON'T LIKE THAT.

THAT'S DISRESPECTFUL, RIGHT?

SEE, YOU WALKING BY--

LADIES FIRST OF ALL, YOU KNOW

IF IT'S A GROUP OF GUYS

NOTHING POSITIVE IS GOING

TO COME FROM THAT.

YOU DON'T NEVER WALK BY A GROUP

OF GUYS AND THEY GO,

"HELLO, LOVELY LADY.

IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU THIS

EVENING."

THAT'S JUST NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

SO, AS SOON AS YOU SEE THEM

YOU'RE ALREADY NERVOUS.

AS SOON AS YOU WALK BY,

SOMEBODY SAY SOMETHING LIKE

THIS.

"HEY, BABY.

THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT

LOOK AT THAT ASS.

I'D LIKE TO GET A PIECE OF

THAT."

AND THEN YOU TURN AROUND

AND YOU LIKE, "WHAT A PIG.

HOW DISRESPECTFUL."

THAT WON'T BOTHER A MAN.

NOT ONE MAN IN HERE WOULD FEEL

DISRESPECTED BY THAT.

THAT SAVES YOU MY FRIEND,

ALL RIGHT?

THERE'S A BUNCH OF WOMEN

STANDING THERE, AND YOU WALK BY.

AS SOON AS YOU WALK BY ONE OF

THEM JUMP UP AND GO,

"HEY, BIG DADDY.

PANTS LOOK LIKE THEY'RE BULGING.

I BET YOU GOAT A NICE LITTLE

PACKAGE UP IN THERE, RIGHT?"

WE WON'T GET MAD.

WE'LL STOP TO TURN BACK

AND SAY, "WHO SAID THAT?"

(LAUGHTER)

THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

I LIKE THEM TO KEEP IT REAL.

CHICKS...I DON'T KNOW.

WOMEN, Y'ALL LIKE CARDS

AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT.

WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL ABOUT

GREETING CARDS?

MOST WOMEN, YOU KNOW, YOU LIKE

WHEN A MAN BRINGS YOU CARDS,

RIGHT?

ONE TIME MY WIFE WAS GIVING ME

THE "YOU DON'T DO THE THINGS

YOU USE TO SPEECH."

YOU GUYS KNOW THAT SPEECH,

RIGHT?

NOT ONLY WAS SHE GIVING ME

THAT SPEECH, BUT RIGHT WHEN

SHE WAS GIVING IT TO ME

A HALLMARK COMMERCIAL CAME ON.

I WAS LIKE, THIS IS NOT GOING

TO BE GOOD.

THIS IS A BAD COMBO RIGHT HERE.

SO THE GUY GAVE THE GIRL,

LIKE, CARDS AND STUFF.

SHE'S LIKE, "YOU SEE, WHY DON'T

YOU DO THAT SOMETIMES?"

I WAS LIKE WHAT, "WHY?"

SHE'S LIKE, "GET ME SOME CARDS."

I SAID, "WHAT'S SO BIG ABOUT

CARDS?"

SHE SAYS, "THEY SAY HOW YOU

FEEL.

THAT'S WHAT."

I SAY, "ALL RIGHT."

SO, I WENT TO AND GOT HER SOME

CARDS.

I WENT AND GOT HER TWO.

HAD THEM SITTING ON THE BED

WHEN SHE CAME HOME.

I SPRAYED THEM WITH THE COLOGNE

THAT I WEAR THAT SHE LIKE.

WHEN SHE SAW THEN SHE'S LIKE,

"AH-HA."

SHE OPEN UP THE FIRST...

"YOU SEE, THIS IS WHAT

I'M TALKING ABOUT.

YOU PLAY TOO MUCH.

THIS SAYS 'GET WELL SOON.'"

(LAUGHTER)

I SAID, "CAUSE YOU SICK

AND YOU NEED TO SEE SOMEBODY

ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS, ALL RIGHT?

YOU SICK.

YOU MAKING ME SICK.

IT'S SICK AROUND HERE.

YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M TALKING

ABOUT?

(LAUGHTER)

SHE GONE GRAB THE SECOND CARD UP

SNATCH IT UP ALL UNDER

AND BE LIKE, "AND WHAT IS THIS?

'WISHING YOU WERE HERE.'

WHAT'S THIS ABOUT?"

"I WANT THE WOMAN THAT I MET

10 YEARS AGO.

I DON'T KNOW WHO THE HELL

YOU ARE.

ALL RIGHT.

GET YOURSELF TOGETHER."

Loading...