Jim Norton - Plus Size

Tough Crowd Stands Up with Colin Quinn Season 1, Ep 0101 12/08/2002 Views: 22,323

Jim talked up a plus size model at a bar. (1:32)

THANK YOU. YOU GUYS SOUNDLINK A REALLY NICE CROWD.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO REALLY WORKWITH ME TONIGHT.

I HAVE BEEN, UH, FIERCELY,UH, DEPRESSED.

I HAD A THREE-YEAR RELATIONSHIPEND THIS WEEK.

Audience: OH!

Jim Norton: NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT,MAN.

YOU, UH...

YOU EVER REGRET KILLING SOMEONE?

[LAUGHTER]NAH, I WISH IT WERE THAT SIMPLE.

IT WAS A THREE-YEAR RELATIONSHIPAND I STARTED TO HAVE ERECTION

DIFFICULTIES, AND, UH, WE HADDIFFERENT IDEAS AS TO WHAT THE

PROBLEM WAS.

SHE BOUGHT ME VIAGRA.

I BOUGHT HER A TREADMILL.

[LAUGHTER AND CHEERS][WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

I MEAN, I THINK THAT'S FAIR.

I'M ALL ABOUT COMPROMISE.

I'LL EAT A PILL.

JUST GET ON THE MACHINE,YOU MONSTROSITY.

AND I DO REALIZE THAT"MONSTROSITY" IS NOT POLITICALLY

CORRECT.

IT'S "PLUS SIZE" PERSON.

[LAUGHTER]I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT

"PLUS SIZE" MEANS,HUMAN PLUS ELEPHANT EQUALS HER?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]FIRST TIME I EVER HEARD THAT

AWFUL EXPRESSION, I'M IN A BARAND I'M TALKING TO A GIRL AND

SHE'S REALLY SWEET, SHE'S LIKE500 POUNDS AND I'M LIKE

"WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING?"AND SHE'S LIKE, "I'M A

'PLUS SIZE' MODEL."

WHICH WAS KIND OF NICE 'CAUSETHEN I COULD TELL ALL MY

FRIENDS, YEAH, I BANGED A MODEL,YOU KNOW, JUST LEAVE OUT THE

PLUS SIZE PART.

[LAUGHTER]THEY'RE LIKE, "REALLY?

WHAT DOES SHE MODEL?

AH-UH-UH, DOME STADIUMS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]AND TO ANSWER YOUR NEXT

QUESTION, YES, I DO REALIZE THATI'M NOT A VISUAL TREAT.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS, APPLAUSE]