Bonnie McFarlane - Do You Party?

McFarlane, Ant, Mitchell, Ward Season 7, Ep 702 11/28/2003 Views: 11,047

Bonnie thought she was partying by attending a party. (3:04)

I WENT TO A STRIP CLUB.

Male Audience Member: YEAH!

Bonnie: I GOT A LAP DANCE,

LOVELY WOMAN, BIG CANS.

SHE SMACKED ME ACROSS THE FACE

WITH HER BOOB...

WHICH I GUESS GUYS LIKE.

I FOUND IT HOSTILE.

I WAS, LIKE YOU WANT TO TAKE

THIS OUTSIDE, BITCH?

I GOT PULLED OVER BY THE COPS

THE OTHER DAY.

I DON'T THINK COPS SHOULD WEAR

MIRRORED SUNGLASSES.

THE WHOLE TIME THE GUY WAS

CHEWING ME OUT, ALL I COULD

THINK WAS I SHOULD CUT MY BANGS.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I WAS AT A PARTY RECENTLY,

AND THIS GUY CAME UP TO ME,

AND HE GOES "DO YOU PARTY?"

[LAUGHTER]

I GO YEAH.

HE GOES "DO YOU WANT TO PARTY

RIGHT NOW?"

I GO, I KIND OF THOUGHT I WAS.

SO WE HAD THIS WHOLE CONFUSING

CONVERSATION BACK AND FORTH

UNTIL FINALLY I FIGURED IT OUT,

"DO YOU PARTY" IS CODE LANGUAGE

FOR "DO YOU DO COKE?"

AND I FIGURED THAT OUT 'CAUSE

THE GUY FINALLY WENT "'DO YOU

PARTY' MEANS 'DO YOU DO COKE'."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I WAS LIKE, WHY DIDN'T HE JUST

START WITH THAT?

YOU KNOW.

WHAT A DUMB EUPHEMISM.

EVEN IF YOU DO PARTY, YOU GOTTA

GO YOU MEAN DO COKE?

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S A TERRIBLE DRUG.

DON'T, UGH, IT'S A, COCAINE IS

YUCKY.

I DID IT ONCE.

I WAS AT A PARTY.

I WAS BORED.

I WAS, LIKE, ALL RIGHT,

I'LL DO A LINE.

AND THEN I WAS JUST BORED...

LONGER.

[LAUGHTER]

SO I DON'T DO ANY KIND OF FORMAL

EXERCISE.

I DON'T GO TO THE GYM OR

ANYTHING.

PEOPLE SAY, BONNIE, HOW DO YOU

STAY SO TRIM?

WELL, ONE, I ALWAYS TAKE THE

STAIRS ALWAYS, TWO,

I'M ANOREXIC.

[LAUGHTER]

MY AGENT TOLD ME TO STOP DOING

THAT JOKE.

I GO, WHY?

HE GOES "YOU'RE NOT EXACTLY

A STICK."

[AUDIENCE GROANS]

YEAH, THAT'S WHEN THE SEED

IS PLANTED, RIGHT THERE.

[LAUGHTER]

I JOG ACTUALLY.

I GO AT NIGHT.

A LOT OF WOMEN, THEY DON'T LIKE

TO GO JOGGING ALONE AT NIGHT.

THEY'RE AFRAID THEY MIGHT GET

ACCOSTED.

I GO NAKED.

THAT WAY, IF THERE'S ANY

PERVERTS AROUND, THEY THINK

I'M ALREADY BEING CHASED.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YEAH.

I HAVE THIS NEW THING WHERE FROM

NOW ON, I'M ONLY GOING TO DATE

FREAKISHLY GOOD LOOKING MEN,

YEAH, BECAUSE I ENJOY THE

CHALLENGE OF TRYING TO TURN

A GAY GUY.

THAT'S MY THING.

THAT'S WHERE I'M AT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I DON'T KNOW WHY A LOT OF

MY EX-BOYFRIENDS ARE NOW GAY.

I DON'T LIKE TO THINK IT'S

MY FAULT.

IT'S LIKE I'M THE GAY GUY

STARTER KIT.

I DON'T KNOW.

I TRY TO BE FEMININE.

I'M NOT VERY FEMININE.

PROBABLY THE MOST GIRLIE THING

ABOUT ME IS I HAVE A REALLY

LITTLE PENIS.