So, when I finally told my dad,
I took him to thishometown festival in the South,
to tell him.You know, safety in numbers.
And we're sitting thereon this hill and I'm like,
so nervous,that I can barely speak.
I'm like, "Dad, uh...huh, (laughs)
"I need to tell you something.
Dad, I'm gay."
(groans):"I just want to say, I'm gay."
At this point,he's really worried,
because he thinks I'm special.
Which, sometimes I am.
So, finally, I'm like,"Dad, I'm gay."
And he cocks his head backand he's like, "Aw, shit."
And he's more concerned about
having to havea real conversation,
so he's just like,"All right.
You want to go to Old Navyand get you a new outfit?"
(laughing):I'm like, "What?!"
"They're having a sale,30% off.
We'll go down there right now;we'll get you a new outfit."
I'm like,"Dad, what does Old Navy
have to do with mebeing a lesbian?"
He's like, "I don't know.
They sell vests and shit."
I'm like,"Grab the Subaru, let's go!"
I've been wearing tiny vestsand cardigans ever since.
It's not me, it's the dryer.