Introducing the Smoke Cutter

Season 7, 01/17/2017 Views: 1,762

Alice welcomes Fireman Ted to introduce a unique new product to the TelAmeriCorp team. (2:09)

- Okay, guys, I knowyou have been getting

a little bored with the productsthat we have been selling,

so today isvery exciting,

'cause we are going to startselling a new product!

- Well, that's the thing though,is I don't sell products.

I sell, like, vibes,and right now

the only vibe I'm catching isthat you looking good, girl.

- Down, boy.- Ow!

- Now, I could readoff of some

boring, oldproduct info pamphlet,

but I thought it would bea lot more fun

if we brought in the inventorof the product himself,

so put your hands togetherfor Fireman Ted, huh?

[clapping]

- Huh.Thank you, thank you.

Thank you, Miss Murphy,very much.

- Oh, well, thank you,Fireman Ted.

I thank all of youfor your time.

Let's just saythat one night you're out

with your best friendsand extended family

enjoying a couple of plattersof Johnsonville brats

when suddenly,you smell heavy heavy smoke,

and you turn aroundonly to find

that you are all trappedby a raging fire.

Blinded by the smoke,you call out to your buddies,

"Hey, buddies, where are ya?Where are ya?"

but they can't hear you becauseof the roar of the raging fire,

and they cannot respondbecause of the noxious smoke

that is searing their lungs.- [coughs]

- And then they die,

and I'm talkingcrispy critter dead.

And you spendthe rest of your life

just wishing there wassomething you could have done

to prevent that horror.

The Smoke Cutter.

A safety whistlewith a built-in air filter

which allows its userto breathe smoke-free

while simultaneously emittinga very distinct whistle.

[blows distorted whistle]

- Um, do you think you'reon "Shark Tank" right now?

[laughter]- Oh, put that please

in my mou-outh.

- I don't carewhat you people think,

we are sellingthese Smoke Cutters,

and that is final.

- You really thinkthere's any good reason

we're gonna sell anythingmade by this dork?

- Because...this dorkis my dad!

- [blows distorted whistle]