had a show in Vegas.Oh, shit.
That'd be cool to watchEddie Griffin live,
but I went onlineto see how much tickets were.
Tickets were 90 bucks.I said, "Shit.
"I don't like Eddie Griffinthat much.
"That's a lot of moneyfor a comedy show.
90 buck?"Plus I don't want that pressure
over my head when I'm watchinga show, 'cause I be thinking,
"Yeah, he funny.
"I don't know about $90 funny.
He good.I don't know about $90 good."
But I still wantedto finagle my way in.
I'm stubborn,so I figured out the plan.
I call the box office,act like I'm my own agent trying
to get tickets for myself,like that.
I called the box office."Hello?
"Who handlesVIP complimentary tickets?
"I want to get some ticketsfor my client
to see Eddie Griffin tonight."
And they said,"What's your name?"
And I hadn't thoughtof a fake agent name yet.
They kind of put me on the spot,so reflexively I said,
Thinking, "Damn it!I just messed up my hoax!"
'Cause they don't know me,and I can't say
I'm Hannibal Buress,represented by Hannibal Buress.
That sounds dumb as hell.
They said,"Well, who is your client?"
I had to think quick.I said, "Uh, Donald Glover."
And I hang up the phone.
Now, I'm thinkingthat he knew that I'm lying
and nothing'sgonna happen.
No lie, five minutes later,they called back and said,
"Hey,how many tickets you need?"
I said, "Uh, I needfour tickets."
And then we wentand watched the show.
[laughter]It was a good show!
Wasn't $90 good,but it was a good show.
So now, the show's over.We're finishing our drinks.
One of Eddie Griffin's lackeyscome up to our table,
said, "Hey!You said that Donald Glover
"was on TV showswith Eddie Griffin.
Eddie don't know Donald,and Donald's not even here."
I said, "First of all, sir,you are adding stuff
"to my lie right now.
"I never saidthey worked together.
"I merely dropped the name,and the person
"at the box officefell for it.
"Second of all,the show is over.
"I don't know what you wantfrom me right now.
"I can't vomit the comedyout of my body back to you.
"It's done, man.
"We experienced that shitalready.
"It's up here.It's done.
"You've been had.It was a hoax.
"I'm Hannibal Buress,
"representedby Hannibal Buress...
"And tell EddieI said great show
and I'm lookingfor new clients."