Jonathan Corbett - Drinking

  • Season 1 , Ep 12
  • 01/11/2011
  • Views: 4,072

It's easy drinking in New York. (1:49)

(Jonathan Corbett)IT'LL BE ONE YEAR AGOTOMORROW THAT I QUIT DRINKING.

I FEEL GREAT ABOUT THAT.

IT ONLY LASTED A WEEK...

BUT I THINK IPROVED MY POINT.

MY FAMILY ACTUALLYHAD AN INTERVENTION.

THEY WERE LIKE, "HEY, LISTEN,WE'RE IRISH CATHOLIC.

"WHAT'S THISQUITTING (bleep)?

"YOU'RE BREAKING YOURFATHER'S HEART.

"YOUR SISTER'S GETTINGMARRIED IN TWO WEEKS.

"THERE'S AN OPEN BAR.

CUT THE (bleep)."

IT'S EASY TO BE ADRINKER IN NEW YORK.

NOBODY HAS TO WORRYABOUT GETTING HOME.

DESIGNATED DRIVER--(bleep).

IF YOU CAN MAKE THISMOTION, YOU CAN GET HOME.

OF COURSE, THAT SAME MOTIONWILL GET YOU ANOTHER DRINK.

AND CLEARLY, YOU'VE GOTTHE SKILLS TO KEEP GOING.

YOU KNOW, HAVE FUN.

THE, UH, THE ONLYMISTAKE THAT I MAKE,UH, WHEN I'M DRINKING

IS THE SAME ONESOME PEOPLE MAKE.

LIKE, IF-IF I'M STILL OUT AT,LIKE, 2:00 IN THE MORNING,

THAT HORRIBLE BELLGOES OFF IN MY HEAD

TO ANNOUNCE THAT I NOW HAVETO SEEK OUT THE NASTIEST,

GREASIEST FOODI CAN FIND AND THEN

STUFF IT DOWN MY THROATAS FAST AS I CAN.

AND I WON'T EVENREMEMBER DOING IT.

I'LL JUST WAKE UP AND THEROOF OF MY MOUTH IS BURNT.

MY STOMACH'S MAKINGSOUNDS LIKE A WATER COOLER

AND I'VE GOT, LIKE, HALFA TACO IN MY POCKET.

I'M LIKE, (bleep)IN'SAN LOKO AGAIN!

NO!

(bleep)!

IT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL TOSELL TACOS AFTER MIDNIGHT.

LIKE, I SHOULD BRING MYPICTURE DOWN THERE, SAY,

LISTEN, HERE'S100 BUCKS.

DON'T SELL THIS GUYTACOS AFTER MIDNIGHT.

HE'LL THANK YOU FOR IT.

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