Frank Caliendo - President George W. Bush

  • Season 8 , Ep 4
  • 02/05/2004
  • Views: 30,870

George W. Bush always looks like he's staring directly into the sun. (4:14)

Frank Caliendo: ANY FANS OF

THE PRESIDENT HERE?

[SCATTERED BOO'S]

COUPLE OF YOU, REST OF YOU,

THE DIXIE CHICKS?

IS THAT WHAT'S GOING ON?

I LOVE OUR PRESIDENT.

IT'S PRESIDENT BUSH, FOR THOSE

OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW WHO IT IS.

[LAUGHTER]

I LOVE PRESIDENT BUSH.

I THINK IT'S GREAT WE HAVE

A PRESIDENT WHO SEEMS LIKE HE'S

ALREADY LOOKING DIRECTLY INTO

THE SUN.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"DO ME A FAVOR AND HAND ME

A PAIR OF SUNGLASSES, 'CAUSE

I CAN'T SEE [BLEEP] RIGHT

NOW."

[LAUGHTER]

REMEMBER THAT SAYING HE GOT

WRONG, AS IF THERE WAS ONE?

HERE'S A GUY WHO'S

UNDERESTIMATING.

REMEMBER THAT ONE, LIKE--

"THERE'S AN OLD SAYING IN TEXAS,

WHICH I'M PRETTY SURE IS WHERE I

COME FROM."

[LAUGHTER]

FOR ME ONCE-- SH-- SHAME--

[BLEEP].

HOW MANY OF YOU THINK HE SAYS

THAT?

"[BLEEP], I CANNOT BELIEVE

I SAID THAT."

HE SHOULD FINISH THINGS WITH

THE WORDS "THE END," SO YOU KNOW

THAT HE'S DONE.

BECAUSE HE TENDS TO RAMBLE.

DO YOU WANNA TEACH THE NATION

"A PENNY SAVED IS A PENNY

EARNED"?

"A PENNY SAVED IS AH--

IT'S ONE CENT--

OR IN SPANISH CENTAVO.

IT'S-- PUT IN YOUR POCKET

FOR AWHILE, 'CAUSE IT'S YOURS,

AND YOU-- YOU EARN--

EARNED IT.

THE END."

MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT HIM

THOUGH, IS WHEN HE GETS

SOMETHING RIGHT, 'CAUSE HE GETS

THAT LITTLE GRIN ON HIS FACE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT,

RIGHT?

THAT LITTLE THING WHERE HE'S

LIKE, "AND THAT'S WHY THE

UNITED STATES WILL LEAD US ALL

TO PEACE."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

IS THERE A FAN BLOWING ON HIM?

THE EARS START GOING.

"SOMEBODY CALL WALT DISNEY."

GOT THAT CONFIDENCE WHEN WE WENT

TO THE MIDDLE EAST, YOU KNOW.

HE'S LIKE "WE WENT TO THE

MIDDLE EAST.

AND WE STOPPED HUSSEIN FROM

SODOMIZING IT.

[LAUGHTER]

[BLEEP]

I CANNOT BELIEVE I SAID THAT."

I MISDISPRONUNCIATED A WORD.

THAT WAS IRONICAL.

I MISDISPRONOUNCIATED A WORD.

WE WENT TO THE MIDDLE EAST

AND WE STOPPED HUSSEIN FROM

SADDAMIZING IT."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I'M GONNA KICK SOME ASS.

THEY SHOULD PUT A LITTLE

BUTTON ON HIM, YOU KNOW.

"I'M GONNA KICK SOME ASS,

KICK SOME ASS,

KICK, KICK, KICK, KICK,

KICK SOME ASS, BEOTCH."

[LAUGHTER]

HE COULD NEVER HAVE GOTTEN

HIMSELF OUT OF THE STUFF CLINTON

GOT HIMSELF INTO.

THERE'S NO WAY, 'CAUSE CLINTON

COULD LIE HIS WAY OUT OF

ANYTHING.

BUSH HAS TRUTHFUL TURRET'S.

IF HE WANTED TO TELL YOU--

DID YOU HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS

WITH THAT WOMAN?

"AH, WHAT DID THEY TELL ME

TO SAY HERE?

[LAUGHTER]

CAN I SAY THAT PART OUT LOUD?

I CANNOT BELIEVE I SAID THAT."

DID YOU HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS

WITH THAT WOMAN?

"I DID NOT INHALE.

THE END."

REMEMBER THE MOVIE, "SCENT OF

A WOMAN WITH AL PACINO

WHERE HE SAID "HOO-WAH"

AFTER EVERYTHING?

IT WAS LIKE A PERIOD AT THE END

OF THE SENTENCE, LIKE, "I GOTTA

DOG ON MY LEG.

HOO-WAH."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"WHEN I'M HUNGRY, I EAT

BROCCOLI.

HOO-WAH."

"WOO-WAH" DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

IT'S A NONSENSICAL PHRASE.

YOU MIGHT AS WELL BE OUT THERE

GOING, "NAH NAH,

NANNY BOO-BOO."

'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT PACINO DOES.

HE TAKES LITTLE KID SAYINGS,

TURNS 'EM INTO TOUGH-GUY

PHRASES NO MATTER WHAT THE

SITUATION IS.

SOMEONE CALLED THROUGH AND SAY

THE MOB'S GONNA KICK YOUR ASS,

BE LIKE, "YOU, SIR, ARE A LIAR.

LIAR, LIAR.

YOUR PANTS ARE ON FIRE!"

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

"NAH NAH, NANNY FRICKIN'

BOO-BOO."

[LAUGHTER]

HE YELLS FOR NO REASON IN

MOVIES, TOO.

I WANNA SEE SOMEBODY CAST HIM

AS A LIBRARIAN, JUST TO SEE

WHAT HE'D DO.

THERE'S NO WAY HE COULD GET

THROUGH IT.

RUNNING AROUND, "WHERE'S THE

B SECTION?

WHERE THE HELL IS THE

B SECTION?!

AND WHAT ON EARTH IS THE

DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM?"

[LAUGHTER]

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