Uncensored - Kumail Nanjiani - Porn Stuck in the VCR Pt. 2

Kumail Nanjiani: Beta Male Season 1, Ep 101 07/20/2013 Views: 9,422

Unfortunately for young Kumail Nanjiani, VCRs do not have helpful snowmen inside of them. (2:27)

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And I'm like, alright, that'sridiculous

I can't do that."

So I get this idea,brilliant idea.

I'm gonna getmy dad's tool kit.

I'm gonna open up the VCR

and just get the tape out,right?

So I open it--I lift the cover off,

and the tape is buriedunder layers

and layer--I don't knowwhat I was expecting.

Like I'd just be ableto get the tape right out.

There would be, like,

a little, like,snowman like,

"Here's the tapeyou wanted."

Like, "Mm, thank you,this has been wonderful.

Here's your hat."

The tape is--There's no snowman.

The tape,layers and layers of parts,

none bigger than that.

But I'm like,

"I have to get the tape."

So I just start unscrewing.

I startunscrewing tiny parts,

just tossing themover my shoulder.

'Cause I'm like,"I'll be able to put this

back together."

It's not like

engineersmade this thing,

which is, turns out,exactly who was making this.

So I get all the parts out.

I get to the tape.

Just the panicked confidenceof a ten-year-old, you know?

I get to the tape,I rip it out,

and I look behind me,

and the entire flooris covered

in, like, tiny gadgetsand gizmos and, dude,

all the same color.

I have no ideahow they go back in,

but I'm like, "I haveto get everything back in."

So I start puttingstuff back in.

I'm doing the bestI can do.

I'm like--It's like--It's hard.

It's likea satanic jigsaw puzzle

in 3-D,you know?

I'm sweatinginto the VCR,

which is, like,only the second worst thing

that's happened to itthat day.

Wait, are you guys thinkingI'm fucking the VCR?

That's not happening.

I feel like that was the vibeI got from you.

I'm not an idiot.

I'm not just, like,watching the screen and,

"This ishow I do it, right?

Just fuck the VCRwhile I watch the screen?"

No.

Come on.

I'm not an idiot.

I finally gotall the parts back in.

I put the cover back on.I screw it back on.

Success, I did it.

And then I look behind me,

and there are two little partsjust sitting there.

I have no ideawhere they go.

So I go and I hide themin my room.

'Cause in my head,I think if my dad

sees them,he's gonna know

exactly what happened.

He's gonna be like,

"Isn't that the transmogrifierfor the VCR?

"And that'sthe flux capacitor.

You've been watching porn."