Paul Mecurio - Racism

CC Presents: Paul Mercurio Season 8, Ep 23 05/20/2004 Views: 2,925

Black comics get away with talking about race all the time. (3:07)

Paul Mercurio: YOU KNOW WHAT

I LOVE WATCHING THESE DAYS?

I LOVE WATCHING MTV CRIBS.

DON'T YOU LOVE THAT?

THAT'S A SHOW, IF YOU DON'T

KNOW, IT'S A RAPPER TAKES YOU

ON A TOUR OF HIS MANSION.

HERE'S SOMETHING YOU NEVER

HEAR ON THAT SHOW.

YO, YO, YO, THIS HERE BE MY

LIBERRY.

[LAUGHTER]

THIS BE A BOOK I BE READING.

[SQUEAKY VOICE] THAT'S MY

CROSSWORD.

DON'T BE TOUCHING MY CROSSWORD.

[LAUGHTER]

IT REVELS IN ITS IGNORANCE.

IT'S NOT ABOUT ANYTHING EXCEPT

THE STUFF.

THERE'S NOT A BOOK IN THE HOUSE,

NOT A MAGAZINE.

EVEN IN THE TOILET, THERE'S NOT

A "LANDS END" CATALOG,

A "HIGHLIGHTS", NOTHING.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

NOW I KNOW THAT JOKE, COMING

FROM A WHITE GUY IS SLIGHTLY

RACIST, BUT HMM.

[LAUGHTER]

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

WE'RE ALL A LITTLE BIT RACIST.

I AM.

I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT

BECAUSE I'M A WHITE MALE.

AND I'M THE OPPRESSOR IN

SOCIETY.

AND EVERYBODY'S PISSED AT ME.

I MEAN, OH-- IT'S A--

BUT I REALIZE, I SPEAK FOR A

DISENFRANCHISED GROUP IN THIS

COUNTRY.

WHITE MEN.

WE CAN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT

ANYONE WITHOUT PISSING SOMEONE

OFF.

BLACK COMICS TALKS ABOUT RACE

ALL THE TIME, AND THEY GET AWAY

WITH IT, 'CAUSE THEY'VE BEEN

OPPRESSED, AND IT'S INTERESTING,

IT'S REALLY COMPELLING STUFF.

AND THAT'S FINE.

WELL, I HAVE RACIST THOUGHTS.

I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT

'CAUSE I'M THE WHITE MALE.

AND EVERYBODY'S MAD AT ME.

GAYS, JEWS, BLACKS, PUERTO

RICANS, WOMEN, EVERYBODY'S

PISSED AT ME.

BUT I HAVE RACIST AND I'M THE

OPPRESSOR.

I'M THE BAD GUY.

BUT FIRST OF ALL, LOOK AT ME.

WHO AM I GONNA OPPRESS?

I'M A BROKE, BIG-LIPPED GUINEA.

I GOT NOTHING UP HERE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

RACIST STEREOTYPES APPLY

TO EVERYONE INCLUDING BLACKS.

I KNOW IT'S BEEN 500 YEARS OF

OPPRESSION.

BUT LET'S BE HONEST.

BLACK MEN, YOU LOVE PURPLE,

NEON LICENSE PLATE HOLDERS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THE BROTHER'S LAUGHING RIGHT

THERE.

HE KNOWS.

THIS IS REAL.

AND THIS IS HONEST STUFF.

IT'S UNSAFE.

BUT IT'S REAL AND IT'S HONEST.

[LAUGHTER]

BLACKS MAKE RACIST STEREOTYPES

ABOUT WHITES ALL THE TIME.

THEY GET AWAY WITH IT 'CAUSE

THEY'VE BEEN BLACK.

THAT DOESN'T MAKE-- BLACK--

THAT DOESN'T MAKE 'EM, RIGHT,

RIGHT?

YOU WATCH A BLACK COMIC.

EVERY BLACK COMIC FOR THE MOST

PART WILL DO THIS JOKE IN THEIR

ACT.

I GUARANTEE YOU.

THEY DO THIS BROAD

GENERALIZATION OF THE BLACK GUY

VOICE AND THE WHITE GUY VOICE.

RIGHT?

FIRST THEY DO THE BLACK GUY,

ALL SMOOTH, YEAH, BABY, COME ON,

MMM, MMM, YEAH.

[LAUGHTER]

AH, HONEY, MOMMY, YEAH, COME ON.

THEN THEY DO THE WHITE GUY

VOICE.

HEY, THERE MR. BUDDY BOY.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

APPARENTLY THE ALL WHITE MEN

ARE COMPLETE NERDS.

HEY.

PLEASE DON'T BEAT ME UP.

I HAVE A POCKET PROTECTOR.

OW.

HEY, I'M A WHITE GUY.

I DON'T SPEAK THAT WAY.

IN FACT, I SPEAK FOR EVERY

WHITE MAN IN AMERICA WHEN

I SAY WE DON'T ALL TALK LIKE

SCREECH FROM SAVED BY THE BELL.

THAT'S A RACIST STEREOTYPE.

THAT'S LIKE ME SAYING, "EVERY

BLACK MAN TALKS LIKE THIS.

WELL, HELLO THERE."

"WELL, HELLO THERE.

I WANT SOME CHICKEN AND

WATERMELON.

HELLO THERE."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

IT'S LIKE SAYING COLIN POWELL

GOES TO THE U.N.,

[SQUEAKY VOICE]

"WHAT'S UP, U.N.?"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]