Uncensored - JB Smoove - The First Minute

01/21/12 Views: 4,539

After the first minute, JB Smoove's wife's life is in her own hands. (2:27)

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THAT'S YOUR LADY,PLAYBOY?

TAKE CARE OF YOUR LADY, MAN.

LADIES WANT TO FEEL PROTECTED.KNOW WHAT THEY LIKE?

WHEN YOU MAKE LOVE TO 'EMAND YOU PICK 'EM OFF THE GROUND.

[growls]

GIVE ME SOME LOVE UP IN HERE.

COME ON, PLAY--THAT'S YOUR SHIT?

THAT'S YOUR SHIT TOO, RIGHT?I CAN TELL.

YOU A BIG, STRONG-ASS DUDE.

WHEN YOU PICK A WOMAN UPIN THE AIR

AND MAKE LOVE TO HERLIKE THAT...

LADIES LOVE IT!THEY LOVE IT!

THEY FEEL PROTECTED,RIGHT, BIG MAN?

YOU STRONG AS HELL.

YOU GOT THAT ONE-HAND THING,RIGHT?

ONE HAND, TWO SEATS,RIGHT?

THEY LOVE IT.

THEY LIKE TO PUT THE ARM AROUNDYOUR NECK.

"OOH, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

OH, I FEEL SO PROTECTED.I FEEL SO SAFE."

YOU BE LIKE,"DAMN RIGHT. BAM."

GOTTA BE STRONG, THOUGH.YOU GOTTA BE STRONG.

GOTTA HAVE THATKIND OF STRENGTH.

SEE, I DON'T HAVETHAT KIND OF STRENGTH.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

MY WIFE PICKED ME UP.

I'LL BE LIKE, "GODDAMN!

"OH, YOU TEARINGDADDY'S ASS UP!

OH! THIS IS CRAZY!"

YOUR LADY PICK YOU UP,RIGHT?

YOU A GROWN-ASS MAN.

YOUR DAMN LEGS IS WRAPPED AROUNDYOUR LADY'S WAIST.

WHAT KIND OF SHIT IS THIS?

[moaning]

"OH, YOU'RE TEARING DADDY'S ASSUP, BABY!

HA-HA!"

YOU GOT A MIRROR, YOU CAN SEEYOURSELF IN THE MIRROR.

"LOOK AT MY STUPID ASSIN THE MIRROR.

I CAN'T LOOK AT MYSELFRIGHT NOW."

YOUR LADY DONE PUT YOUR DAMNLEGS OVER HER SHOULDERS.

WHAT KIND OF SHIT IS THIS?

YOU A GROWN-ASS MAN.

"OH, SHIT.

"LOOK AT MY STUPID ASSIN THE MIRROR.

OLD LADY FUCKINGTHE SHIT OUT OF ME!"

[cheers and applause]

PEOPLE ASK ME,"HOW YOU GET IN THE POSITION

WHERE YOUR LADY PICKINGYOUR ASS UP?"

WE WERE ON OUR HONEYMOON.

WE WAS GOING TO HAWAII.

AND I WAS LIKE, "YEAH!

WHOO-WHOO!"

SHE WAS LIKE, "WHAT'S UP?"I SAID, "WHAT'S UP, BABY?"

SAID, "I WANNAASK YOU SOMETHING."

I SAID, "WHAT'S UP,"YOU KNOW?

WHAT'S UP?YOU KNOW?

THAT'S HOW THE FUCK I DO TOO,IN FIRST CLASS.

RIGHT?

YOU IN FIRST CLASS, YOU DOWHAT THE FUCK YOU WANNA DO,

YOU HEAR ME?

THERE'S A SIGN THAT SAYS,"NO SMOKING," RIGHT?

PUT THE SEATBELT ON.

BUT THERE'S NO LITTLE "X"

THROUGH A CAPTAIN MORGANMOTHERFUCKER,

LIKE THIS.

SO I SAID,"WHAT'S UP, BABY?"

MY WIFE SAID,"UH, LOOK HERE.

WHEN WE GET TO HAWAII,I WANT TO GET FREAKY."

I SAID, "OKAY, WHAT'S UP, WHAT'SUP, WHAT'S UP, WHAT'S UP?"

"WHEN WE GET TO HAWAII,I WANT YOU TO MAKE LOVE TO ME

"AND PICK ME OFF THE GROUND.

PICK ME UPAND MAKE LOVE TO ME."

I SAID, "LOOK HERE, BABY.

"I'M STRONGFOR A MINUTE AT A TIME.

"AFTER THAT FIRST MINUTE,

YOUR LIFEIS IN YOUR OWN HANDS."

THAT FIRST MINUTE,YOU COULDN'T TELL ME SHIT.

HAD MY WIFE IN THE AIR,TEARING THAT ASS UP.

WHOO!

MWAH!

[laughs]

[strained grunting]

[laughter and applause]

[cheers and applause]

[laughter and applause]

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