Patton Oswalt - Fake Boundaries

  • Season 2 , Ep 12
  • 09/03/1999
  • Views: 15,364

Patton Oswalt breaches some fake boundaries. (1:16)

YOU KNOW... REMEMBER WHEN YOUWERE A LITTLE KID

AND, UH, YOUR FRIENDSWOULD BE OUT PLAYING A GAME--

LIKE, UH, "COWBOYS AND INDIANS"OR "FORT"--

SOME GAME WHERE THERE WAS,LIKE, FAKE BOUNDARIES?

SO THEY WOULD SAY:

"OKAY, UH, THE BIKE PATHOVER AT THE SKAFFETYS' IS LAVA

"AND IF YOU TOUCH THAT,YOU'RE DEAD.

"AND THEN THE HEDGES OVER AT THESLINGERLANDS' ARE POISON SNAKES.

"AND IF YOU GO OVER THERE

"THEY'LL BITE YOUAND YOU'RE DEAD.

AND THOSE ARE THE BOUNDARIES."

BUT YOU WEREN'T THEREWHEN THEY STARTED PLAYING...

LIKE, YOU SHOW UP LATER'CAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO THE POOL.

YOU'RE, LIKE, "HEY, GUYS,WE'RE GOING TO GO TO THE POOL."

AND THEY SAY, "HEY, DON'T TOUCHTHE BIKE PATH, IT'S LAVA!

DON'T... THE HEDGES ARE SNAKES!"

AND YOU'VE GOT TO SAY,"OH, I'M NOT...

"GUYS, I WASN'T HEREWHEN YOU DID ALL THAT.

"I'M JUST GOING TO THE POOL.

IT DOESN'T AFFECT ME."

DO YOU KNOW WHATI'M TALKING ABOUT?

THAT'S PRETTY MUCH HOW I TREATTHE POT LAWS IN THIS COUNTRY.

KIND OF THE SAME WAY,YOU KNOW, JUST THE WHOLE...

PATTON, YOU... YOU CAN'T...

( audience whooping )

"YOU CAN'T HAVE THAT,IT'S ILLEGAL."

IT... OH, I'M NOT...

GO AHEAD, I WASN'T HEREWHEN YOU DID ALL THAT.

YEAH, I KNOW.

OKAY, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

I KNOW, IT'S "LAVA."

IT'S JUST MARIJUANA.DON'T WORRY.

SEE? IT'S FINE.

DON'T WORRY.

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