Adele Givens - Talk Shows

  • Season 6 , Ep 6
  • 05/26/2002
  • Views: 5,067

They'd have to make up different categories to get Adele on a talk show. (3:26)

CAN'T LET YOUR KIDS WATCH TV.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING.

A BREAST MIGHT POP OUT.

SOMEBODY MIGHT LICK SOMEBODY

ELSE, LIKE, "HEY, Y'ALL TURN OFF

THAT DAMN DISNEY CHANNEL...

UP IN HERE."

(LAUGHTER)

YOU KNOW, I SEE THE PROBLEM

WITH THE KIDS.

YOU KNOW, BACK IN THE DAY, THEY

USED TO SAY, IT TAKES A VILLAGE

TO RAISE A CHILD.

NOWADAYS, APPARENTLY, IT TAKES

A TALK SHOW.

THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

IF I SEE ONE MORE TOPIC LIKE,

"HELP, MY TEEN IS OUT OF

CONTROL."

I'M GOING TO SHAKE THE HELL OUT

OF SOMEBODY.

WHY IN THE HELL ARE YOU ON A

TALK SHOW 'CAUSE YOUR TEEN

IS OUT OF CONTROL?

NOW DON'T GET ME WRONG.

I'M NOT GOING TO FRONT UP HERE.

I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF MONEY SO

IF I GOT AN OPPORTUNITY TO GET

A FREE VACATION GO TO NEW YORK

OR L.A., YOU KNOW, A FREE TICKET

AND ALL I GOT TO DO IS GET ON TV

AND, YOU KNOW, TALK ABOUT MY

ISSUES.

I WOULD DO IT.

BUT YOU CAN BELIEVE THE TOPIC

OF THE TALK SHOWS WOULD NOT BE

"HELP!

MY TEEN IS OUT OF CONTROL"

IF IT WAS ME.

NO, I THINK THEY WOULD BE LIKE,

"HELP!

MY TEEN IS IMBEDDED IN THE

CONCRETE AND I CAN'T GET HIS ASS

BACK OUT."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

OR "HELP!

I JUST KNOCKED MY TEENS TEETH

OUT AND WE DON'T HAVE A DENTAL

PLAN."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

I WAS LOOKING AT A TALK SHOW--

THIS IS TRUE--

A 13-YEAR-OLD BOY WAS ON THERE

WITH HIS MOMMA, TALKING ABOUT

HOW HE WOULDN'T WEAR NOTHING BUT

THIS ONE DESIGNERS CLOTHING.

I'M TALKING ABOUT, HE HAD IT ON

FROM HEAD TO TOE.

WATCH, DRAWERS, SHOES, THIS ONE,

I WON'T NAME THIS DESIGNER,

BUT HE HAD ALL OF THIS STUFF ON

AND HIS MOMMA WAS SITTING UP

THERE CRYING TO THE TALK SHOW

HOST.

"AND I TOLD HIM, THERE'S OTHER

CHILDREN IN THE HOME AND

I'M TRYING TO WORK TWO JOBS

AND IT'S VERY CHALLENGING."

I WAS LIKE, "YOU'VE BEEN SIPPING

ON SIZZURP, AIN'T YOU, BOO?"

'CAUSE WHY?

YOU KNOW, LADY, ANYBODY HERE

WITH A CHILD--

YOU AIN'T GOING TO WEAR

NOTHING--

BUT THIS BOY HAD IT ON.

HE'S 13 YEARS OLD.

HE AIN'T GOT NO JOB.

SHE MUST HAVE BOUGHT IT.

SO WHY YOU ON TV CRYING?

I WISHED IT WAS ME.

I WOULD SAY, "BABY, WE GOING ON

VACATION."

THAT'S RIGHT.

I'VE GOT TWO LITTLE BOYS,

AGES 6 AND 8.

AND THEY COULD VERY WELL GROW UP

AND SAY THEY NOT WEARING NOTHING

BUT DESIGNER CLOTHES.

AND THAT'S LIKE, "OKAY, COOL.

WE GETTING A VACATION, WE GOING

TO A TALK SHOW."

AND I'D BE SITTING ON TV HAPPY

BECAUSE I'M ON VACATION WITH

THE TALK SHOW HOST WHO PROBABLY

HAVE ON A DESIGNER OUTFIT OF

HER OWN AND I BE SITTING UP

THERE WITH A REGULAR OUTFIT OF

MY OWN AND MY 13 YEAR OLD SON

WOULD BE SITTING ON NATIONAL TV

BUCK NAKED.

'CAUSE DON'T WE SACRIFICE

EVERYTHING FOR OUR KIDS, LADIES?

WHEN YOUR KIDS COME IN TO

YOUR HOME, LIFE AS YOU KNEW IT

CHANGE, YOU CAN'T EVEN HAVE SEX

ANYTIME YOU WANT TO NO MORE,

CAN YOU?

GIRL, I USE TO GO INTO MY

KITCHEN AND GET A SEX SANDWICH

ANYTIME I FELT LIKE IT.

YOU LITTLE BASTARD DONE PUTTING

ME ON A DIET AND I AIN'T HAVING

IT.

'CAUSE EVERY TIME YOU GET READY,

IT'S LIKE WAIT A MINUTE...

I THINK I HEAR THE

PITTER-PATTER.

'CAUSE THE LAST THING YOU WANT,

AM I RIGHT LADIES, IS FOR YOUR

BABY TO CATCH MOMMA'S AS TOSSED

UP LIKE A CAESAR SALAD....

(LAUGHTER)

'CAUSE YOU KNOW YOU'D DAMAGE

THEIR LITTLE ASSES, DON'T YOU?

BUT YOUR MAN DON'T CARE, DO HE?

HE BE LIKE, "C'MON, THEY

ASLEEP."

WELL, THEY DRINKING WATER

AND THEY'RE EYES ARE OPEN.

DO THEY ALWAYS SLEEP LIKE THIS?

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