Tim Thomerson - Stage Coach Impression

Tim Thomerson & Johnny Steele Season 1, Ep 0164 02/24/1992 Views: 4,841

Tim reenacts "Stage Coach" in its entirety. (2:46)

THIS IS STAGECOACH,THE ENTIRE FILM.

( titters: )YOU THOUGHT THIS WASTHE CHART HOUSE, HUH?

OKAY.

( mimics horses galloping )

CAN YOU HEAR THAT?

IT'S THE HORSES.

( horses galloping )

( pulls reins )

( whinnying )

( galloping )

( gunshots )

( horse neighs )

( galloping )

( whip cracks )

( galloping )

♪ BARE-ASSED DUDEIS SITTING ON THE HILL ♪

♪ WHILE FLAPPING MY TITSAT BUFFALO BILL... YOW! ♪

♪ COME AND TIE MY PECKERTO A TREE, TO A TREE... YOW! ♪

♪ COME AND TIE MY PECKERTO A TREE. ♪

( whip cracks, galloping )

MY NAME IS LEONARD--STUPID, UGLY, IGNORANT LEONARD.

OLD BOY SITTING NEXT TO ME,HIS NAME'S SHOTGUN.

HE DON'T SAY A WHOLE LOT,HE JUST SITS THERE AND READS.

( laughter )

( whip lashes )

WHAT'S THAT YOUREADING THERE, SHOTGUN?

"I DON'T KNOW,I CAN'T SEE A DAMN THING."

INSIDE THIS HERE STAGECOACH

THERE'S A LITTLEPREGNANT GIRL NAMED CATHY

AND SHE'S SO STUPID THAT SHECAN ONLY READ READER'S DIGEST

AND HER HUSBAND'S STATIONEDIN THE PHILIPPINES.

( whip cracks )

( galloping )

PALM UP YOUR 4.10, BOSS.

SOMEONE'S STANDINGIN THE STAGE LINE.

( unclasps holster )

( reins in horse )

DUST, DIRT, CACTUS, ZANE GREY--THEY'RE ALL BACK THERE.

HEY, YOU, WHAT YOU DOINGSTANDING OUT THERE

IN THE MIDDLEOF THE STAGE LINE, BY GOD?

( effeminate voice: )THIS I DON'T NEED.

WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE, YOU ASS?

( gruffly: )WATCH WHAT YOU CALL ME, BOY,I'LL BUST YOUR BACK.

I BET YOU COULD.

LET ME GET HIM!

WHAT'S YOUR NAME,WHERE ARE YOU HEADED FOR?

OH, CHRIST, MY NAME IS KID RIO

AND I WAS ON MY WAY TOSAUSALITO TO VISIT THIS NOVELIST

AND MY STALLION BROKERIGHT OUTSIDE OF LARAMIE

AND I'M JUST OUT HEREDIGGING THE SUN.

YOU BETTER PUTYOUR CLOTHES ON, BOY

YOU'LL GET YOURPECKER SUNBURNED!

GOING TO GIVE YOU A RIDE,BUT YOU CAN'T BRING

THAT THERE SIDESADDLEON BOARD MY STAGE.

NOW, HOP ON BOARD.

OH, GET HIM.

WELL, HELL!

( shootout )

( horse neighs )

( whooshes )

SAM PECKINPAH.

( gunshot ringing )

( rider galloping in slow motion )

( laughter )

( explosion )

( galloping )

( gunshot echoing )

( whip lashing slowly )

( crack )

( singing Indian chant )

( arrow whipping out )

( bow string stretches )

( arrow flies )

( slow motion galloping )

( arrow zings, hits )

OH, DAMN!

( ripping )

( arrow whooshes )

( gunshots )

( arrow whizzes )

THANK YOU, GOOD NIGHT.