Kevin Hart - Fist Fight

  • Season 8 , Ep 6
  • 02/12/2004
  • Views: 129,755

Kevin is a grown, little man. (2:35)

ME WHEN SHE'S NAKED.

[LAUGHTER]

WHY DO WOMEN DO THAT?

I CAN'T ARGUE WITH YOU WHEN

YOU'RE BUTT-ASS NAKED.

HOW I'M DO THAT?

HOW I'M BE ANGRY UP HERE,

WHEN HE HAPPY?

I CAN'T DO THAT.

I CAN'T.

[LAUGHTER, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

'CAUSE THEN HE'LL BE CONFUSED.

YOU KNOW?

WE'LL START ARGUING.

HE'S LIKE, "TAKE IT, MAN,

TAKE IT."

I'M LIKE, "NO, NOT THIS TIME.

SHE TRYING TO TURN US AGAINST

EACH OTHER.

I SEE WHAT'S GOING ON."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YOU WERE HERE BEFORE SHE WAS,

ALL RIGHT?

AND WE'LL ALWAYS HAVE

EACH OTHER.

WE'LL ALWAYS HAVE EACH OTHER."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

[CHEERS AND WHISTLES]

I REMEMBER ONE TIME SHE GOT ME

SO MAD WE GOT INTO A FISTFIGHT.

WE ACTUALLY GOT INTO A

FISTFIGHT.

I'M GONNA TELL YOU SOMETHING.

YOU KNOW HOW YOU KNOW WHEN YOU

LOST A FIGHT TO YOUR WOMAN?

WHEN THE COPS COME TO YOUR HOUSE

AND ASK YOU, DO YOU WANNA PRESS

CHARGES?

[LAUGHTER]

THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW IT DIDN'T

GO LIKE YOU PLANNED.

YOU KNOW?

'CAUSE THE COP CAME, AND HE WAS

SO WORRIED.

HE SAID, "OH, MY GOD, WHO WOULD

DO--

LISTEN, SIR, ARE YOU OKAY?

LOO-- DO YOU WANNA PRESS

CHARGES?"

AND I WAS LIKE, "WELL, YOU NEED

TO BE ASKING HER THAT."

HE'S LIKE, "WELL, FROM THE LOOKS

OF THINGS, NO, I DON'T,

OKAY?!

[LAUGHTER]

"LOOK AT YOUR FACE, FOR CRYING

OUT LOUD!"

AND SHE WAS IN THE BACKGROUND

LIKE, "YEAH, LOOK AT HIS FACE.

TORI BEAT HIS ASS, DIDN'T SHE?"

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

YOU KNOW THAT THREW THE COP.

HE'S LIKE, "WELL, WHO THE HELL

IS TORI, AND HOW MANY OF ĂșEM

IS THERE?"

[LAUGHTER]

AND I WAS LIKE, "SIR, THAT'S

HER.

SHE TALKS IN THE THIRD PERSON

FROM TIME TO TIME.

YOU KNOW."

AND HE WAS LIKE, "LOOK, LET ME

TELL YOU SOMETHING, ALL RIGHT?

YOU ARE A GROWN LITTLE MAN.

OKAY?

[LAUGHTER]

NOBODY SHOULD PUT THEIR HANDS

ON YOU LIKE THIS.

NOW LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

IF YOU DON'T PRESS CHARGES,

SHE'S GONNA BE BACK ON THE

STREETS DOING THE SAME DAMN

THING AGAIN.

NOW, SIR, WE NEED HER OFF THE

STREETS.

FOR GOD'S SAKES, LOOK AT YOUR

FACE, PLEASE."

AND I WAS LIKE, "WELL, IF--

IF IT'S THAT BAD, I GUESS

I SHOULD PRESS CHARGES."

AND HE WAS LIKE, "LOOK, DO YOU

GOT A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN STAY

TONIGHT?"

AND I SAID, "WELL, I CAN GO

WITH MY MOM IF I NEED TO."

HE'S LIKE, "WELL, GOOD.

GOOD.

MATTER OF FACT, YOU NEED TO GO

PACK A BAG.

I'M GONNA WALK WITH YOU TO MAKE

SURE SHE DON'T ATTACK YOU

AGAIN."

[LAUGHTER]

AND SHE GOT MAD.

SHE'S LIKE-- "OH, Y'ALL GONNA

ARREST TORI, HUH?

Y'ALL JUST GONNA PUT TORI IN

JAIL?

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT, KEVIN?"

AND I WAS LIKE, "WHY?

WHY?

BECAUSE I'M A GROWN LITTLE MAN,

ACCORDING TO OFFICER JOHNS.

[LAUGHTER]

FOR GOD'S SAKES, LOOK AT MY

FACE!"

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

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