Kevin Hart - Fist Fight

  • Season 8 , Ep 6
  • 02/12/2004
  • Views: 133,920

Kevin is a grown, little man. (2:35)

LIKE SHE LIKE TO ARGUE WITHME WHEN SHE'S NAKED.

[LAUGHTER]WHY DO WOMEN DO THAT?

I CAN'T ARGUE WITH YOU WHENYOU'RE BUTT-ASS NAKED.

HOW I'M DO THAT?

HOW I'M BE ANGRY UP HERE,WHEN HE HAPPY?

I CAN'T DO THAT.

I CAN'T.

[LAUGHTER, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

'CAUSE THEN HE'LL BE CONFUSED.

YOU KNOW?

WE'LL START ARGUING.

HE'S LIKE, "TAKE IT, MAN,TAKE IT."

I'M LIKE, "NO, NOT THIS TIME.

SHE TRYING TO TURN US AGAINSTEACH OTHER.

I SEE WHAT'S GOING ON."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]YOU WERE HERE BEFORE SHE WAS,

ALL RIGHT?

AND WE'LL ALWAYS HAVEEACH OTHER.

WE'LL ALWAYS HAVE EACH OTHER."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE][CHEERS AND WHISTLES]

I REMEMBER ONE TIME SHE GOT MESO MAD WE GOT INTO A FISTFIGHT.

WE ACTUALLY GOT INTO AFISTFIGHT.

I'M GONNA TELL YOU SOMETHING.

YOU KNOW HOW YOU KNOW WHEN YOULOST A FIGHT TO YOUR WOMAN?

WHEN THE COPS COME TO YOUR HOUSEAND ASK YOU, DO YOU WANNA PRESS

CHARGES?

[LAUGHTER]THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW IT DIDN'T

GO LIKE YOU PLANNED.

YOU KNOW?

'CAUSE THE COP CAME, AND HE WASSO WORRIED.

HE SAID, "OH, MY GOD, WHO WOULDDO--

LISTEN, SIR, ARE YOU OKAY?

LOO-- DO YOU WANNA PRESSCHARGES?"

AND I WAS LIKE, "WELL, YOU NEEDTO BE ASKING HER THAT."

HE'S LIKE, "WELL, FROM THE LOOKSOF THINGS, NO, I DON'T,

OKAY?!

[LAUGHTER]"LOOK AT YOUR FACE, FOR CRYING

OUT LOUD!"AND SHE WAS IN THE BACKGROUND

LIKE, "YEAH, LOOK AT HIS FACE.

TORI BEAT HIS ASS, DIDN'T SHE?"[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

YOU KNOW THATTHREW THE COP OFF.

HE'S LIKE, "WELL, WHO THE HELLIS TORI, AND HOW MANY OF ĂșEM

IS THERE?"[LAUGHTER]

AND I WAS LIKE, "SIR, THAT'SHER.

SHE TALKS IN THE THIRD PERSONFROM TIME TO TIME.

YOU KNOW."

AND HE WAS LIKE, "LOOK, LET METELL YOU SOMETHING, ALL RIGHT?

YOU ARE A GROWN LITTLE MAN.

OKAY?

[LAUGHTER]NOBODY SHOULD PUT THEIR HANDS

ON YOU LIKE THIS.

NOW LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

IF YOU DON'T PRESS CHARGES,SHE'S GONNA BE BACK ON THE

STREETS DOING THE SAME DAMNTHING AGAIN.

NOW, SIR, WE NEED HER OFF THESTREETS.

FOR GOD'S SAKES, LOOK AT YOURFACE, PLEASE."

AND I WAS LIKE, "WELL, IF--IF IT'S THAT BAD, I GUESS

I SHOULD PRESS CHARGES."

AND HE WAS LIKE, "LOOK, DO YOUGOT A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN STAY

TONIGHT?"AND I SAID, "WELL, I CAN GO

WITH MY MOM IF I NEED TO."

HE'S LIKE, "WELL, GOOD.

GOOD.

MATTER OF FACT, YOU NEED TO GOPACK A BAG.

I'M GONNA WALK WITH YOU TO MAKESURE SHE DON'T ATTACK YOU

AGAIN."

[LAUGHTER]AND SHE GOT MAD.

SHE'S LIKE-- "OH, Y'ALL GONNAARREST TORI, HUH?

Y'ALL JUST GONNA PUT TORI INJAIL?

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT, KEVIN?"AND I WAS LIKE, "WHY?

WHY?

BECAUSE I'M A GROWN LITTLE MAN,ACCORDING TO OFFICER JOHNS.

[LAUGHTER]FOR GOD'S SAKES, LOOK AT MY

FACE!"[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

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