I went to college.I was an English major
when I was in college.(scattered whooping)
Yeah... Oh, yeah. Yeah.
A lot of Indiana Englishmajors today.
I was an English majorwhen I was in college.
I didn't get a lotof job interviews,
being an English major.
I should have saw that coming.
My mom thoughtI was going to be a teacher
'cause she was a teacher.
We'd be likea mother-son teaching duo.
You know? Saving the worldfrom dangling participles.
She'd be, like,
"Michael, are you goingto be a teacher like me?"
I'm, like, "No..."
"I'm going to dowhat I went to school for."
"I'm going to be English."
(British accent):"Would you like some tea, sir?"
"Bloody nice lift, eh?"
I had one interviewwhen I finished college,
but it wasn't even for,like, a real company.
It was, like,one of those pyramid schemes,
where they try to intimidate youinto working there,
'cause they're not reallygoing to pay you at all.
It's, like,"Michael, if we hire you,
"in ten to 12 months,you could be owning
"and running your own company.
Does that scare you?"
I'm like, "No,but it should scare you."
I was an English major.(chuckles)
The only thingI know about capitalism
is if I see a period,
the next lettershould be bigger.
(applause and cheering)