Speed Roasting - Slumdog Thousandaire - Uncensored

  • Season 2 , Ep 1
  • 01/08/2013
  • Views: 8,714

Anthony Jeselnik, Lisa Lampanelli and Bobby Lee help Jeff Ross roast his audience. (3:03)

Alright, my favorite part of theshow.

The audience gets speed roasted.

Who's up for a littlespeed roasting.

Put your hands up if youwant to be speed roasted.

All right.

Stand up, sir.

What's going on, man?

What's your name?

-Andy.

-Andy?

What are those?

Re-fried pubes?

LISA LAMPANELLI: Sir,what nationality are you?

You look like a halfblack, half honest.

What are you?

-Black and white.

LISA LAMPANELLI:Black and white.

Andy, who named you?

Your father or your mother?

ANDY: Mom.

-Your mom?

Do you know who your father is?

I knew it!

ANDY: Don't know.

-He sells me meth.

LISA LAMPANELLI: Hedoes look like a--

-Not on camera.

Shh.

BOBBY LEE: But wefucked on camera.

MAN: That was another time.

LISA LAMPANELLI: What?

BOBBY LEE: I told you to wear acondom, not leave it inside me.

-It's not my faultyou made it too tight.

LISA LAMPANELLI: Wow.

-Oh, my god.

LISA LAMPANELLI: He'sjust taking a turn.

-You're fucking roastinghim back, aren't you?

Take it easy,Slumdog Thousandaire.

How's it going?

-Good.

How are you?

-All right.

You're a lot of fun.

Did you come here froman Indian reservation

or a dinner reservation?

What's your name?

-Alejandra.

-Huh?

Ooh, my god.

I just came a little.

LISA LAMPANELLI: Alejandra.

-Yes.

Are you Me-hee-caaaan?

ALEJANDRA: Yes.

-Oh, I'm not goingto piss her off.

I need my hotel roomcleaned after the show.

I'm not--

Are you banging thatwhite guy for citizenship?

-Stand up, sir.

Stand up.

LISA LAMPANELLI: Oh my.

Oh, look at this motherfucker.

-Fuckin' A.

[imitating bullhorn]

-Don't let him get on top.

BOBBY LEE: Everybody, it'sthe troll from "The Hobbit."

ANTHONY JESELNIK: Hey, uh, whatcar wash did you guys meet at?

-What's your name?

-October.

-October.

Holy shit.

Wow.

Want to meet Leap Year?

Is that really your name?

October?

-It is.

Yeah.

-Like a flapper.

That's just your vagina.

Wow, beautiful.

What do you do all day?

I'm a political science major.

-You know what they say.

One in the pink,two in the stink.

-Anthony, this is your type, no?

-Yeah, she looks likea cartoon of a whore.

LISA LAMPANELLI: [laughs]

That is awesome.

BOBBY LEE: I have nothing.

I have nothing.

-You took that well.

-She takes a lot ofthings things well.

-Bobby Lee, wouldyou go up on her?

What, like, like this?

-You are thegreatest crowd ever.

Thank you all forbeing great sports.

Bobby Lee.

Anthony Jeselnik.

The queen of mean,Lisa Lampanelli.

Thank you all.

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