Mitch Hedberg - Baked Potatoes

  • Season 1 , Ep 6
  • 01/04/1999
  • Views: 68,114

Mitch Hedberg likes to eat. (2:31)

I LIKE BAKED POTATOS.

I DON'T HAVE A MICROWAVE OVEN.

IT TAKES FOREVER TO COOKA BAKED POTATO

IN A CONVENTIONAL OVEN.

SOMETIMES I'LL JUST THROWONE IN THERE

EVEN IF I DON'T WANT ONE.

BY THE TIME IT'S DONE,WHO KNOWS?

I THROW A POTATO INAND GO ON VACATION.

MY FRIEND DID THIS TO ME.

MY FRIEND CAME UP TO ME,AND HE SAID THIS.

HE SAID,"HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE?

MASHED POTATOES."

IT'S LIKE, DUDE, YOU GOTTO GIVE ME TIME TO GUESS.

( laughter )

( scattered applause )

IF YOU'RE GOING TO QUIZ ME,YOU MUST PUT A PAUSE IN THERE.

I HAD A BOX OF RITZ CRACKERS

AND ON THE BACK OF THE BOXOF RITZ CRACKERS

THEY HAD ALL THESE SUGGESTIONS

AS TO WHAT TO PUTON TOP OF THE RITZ.

IT SAID,"TRY IT WITH TURKEY AND CHEESE.

TRY IT WITH PEANUT BUTTER."

OH, COME ON, MAN,THEY'RE CRACKERS.

THAT'S WHY I GOT THEM.

I LIKE CRACKERS.

NOW, THERE AIN'T NO SUGGESTIONPUT A RITZ ON TOP OF A RITZ.

I DIDN'T BUY THEM 'CAUSETHEY'RE LITTLE EDIBLE PLATES.

( laughter )

ONE TIME I GOTO LIKE A CRAFT FAIR.

I SEE A JAR OF JELLYBEANS.

IT SAID, "GUESS HOW MANYJELLYBEANS ARE IN THE JAR

AND YOU WIN A PRIZE."

AH, COME ON, MAN,LET ME JUST HAVE SOME.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

YOU GUESS HOW MANY I WANT.

IF YOU SAID A HANDFUL,YOU ARE RIGHT.

I HAVE TWO SISTERS

AND ONE OF THEM'S NAMED WENDY

AND, IF YOU ASKED WENDYIF I WAS WEIRD

SHE'D PROBABLY SAY YEAH

BUT THAT'S BACKWARDS'CAUSE SHE'S WEIRD

'CAUSE SHE HAS LIKE A HUSBANDAND TWO CHILDREN

AND THEY HAVE A FAMILY PHOTOON TOP OF THEIR VCR

WHERE THEY'RE ALL LOOKINGSLIGHTLY TO THE LEFT.

AS THOUGH SOMETHINGIS GOING ON OVER THERE.

THE CAMERA ISRIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU

BUT I GUESS SOMETHING HAPPENEDTO THE LEFT...

THAT MADE EVERYBODY HAPPY.

EXCEPT MY SISTER IS CROSS-EYED.

SO SHE CAN'T QUITEPULL IT OFF.

ONE EYE IS RIGHT ON.

( laughter )

Loading...