Roast Battle II - Alex Hooper vs. Scott Chaplain

Roast Battle II: Night Two - Uncensored Season 2, Ep 6 01/27/2017 Views: 4,909

Alex Hooper may look like a version of Carrot Top, but at least he's not overshadowed by his sister like Scott Chaplain is. (6:24)

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[bell dinging]

[cheers and applause]

- When I found outI was battling Scott,

I reached outto his ex-girlfriend

to ask why she cheated on him.

"Is it because he's poor,he's Jersey trash,

"he's boring,he's racist,

"he's homophobic,he's bad in bed,

he's a genuine all-aroundsorry excuse for a human being?"

She said, "No, no.

I just wantedto [bleep] someone funny."

[laughter, cheers, and applause]

[eerie conspiratorial music playing]

[rumbling, glass shattering]

- Really?Really, LA?

Really?Okay, okay.

I'm--I'm not boring, by the way.

Um, um, all right, nutsack face.

Uh, let's give it up for Alex,everybody.

He's fantastic.

I am so surprisedhe made it here

since clearly he was pulled

from a clown car fire recently.

- Thank you.- Oh, okay, I [bleep] up.

I [bleep] up.

Okay, it's okay.I [bleep] it up.

- That's okay, Mundane Cook.

- [laughs]Oh, God, he got me.

I shit the bed already.

It's all good, baby, baby.

- Scott's sister is

an adult entertainer.- No.

- Scott is neitherof those things.

[laughter]

[bleep]sucker.You gotta give it to him

when you gotta give it to him.

[car alarm blaring, horn honking]

- Sure, Alex looks likeCarrot Top

if he was drawnby Stephen Hawking.

[laughter]

When Scott was seven,

he watched a man dieat a water park...

- Damn, that's tragic.[bleep]

- But hey, at least that guycould draw a crowd.

[laughter and applause]

Who the [bleep] is this?- Oh, Waldo.

Oh, man.- There he is.

- That's a great detailabout me.

Uh, Alex's mother is here.

If we could get a cameraon the old bitch.

Uh...[laughter]

Ma'am, I just have a question.

Is it true that Alex was theugliest part of your divorce?

[laughter]- Oh!

[helicopter blades whirring]

- Last joke.

- Scott had a twin brotherwho died in the womb.

Scott, you're so bad at comedy,

you don't just walk audiences,

you make them dripdown your mother's leg.

audience: Oh!- Damn.

[dramatic music playing. jackhammer rattling]

[sirens blaring]

- It was very good.

[tires squealing, crash]

Uh, well, I'm gladcamera's are here.

Uh, in conclusion, Alex--

Alex has taken ecstasy.- Many times.

- I'm--I'm sorry.I'm sorry.

No, no, no, I'm sorry.I'm sorry.

He's taken his ex, Stacy.

She has been missingfor three years,

and all leads point to Alex.

Please tell us where Stacy is.

The family deserves answers.

- I took too many drugs.I forget.

- Okay. [bell dinging]

- Yeah!- [grunts]

- Yeah!

That's Alex.That's Scott.

That was brilliance.

Battle, battle, battle.

Jeff, what'd you think?

- Love both of these guys.Look at you.

After all that, you'regonna be friends after this.

- Sure, yeah.- It's just for the cameras.

- He called his motheran old bitch.

I doubt that.

[laughter]

- Oh, roastingbrings people together.

That was highly entertaining.

Scott, you had a hard time.

You were on the ropesfrom the beginning,

but you kept swinging.

You came back real nice.- Thank you.

- Alex, I mean,I don't even know what to say.

You're operatingon another level right now.

I been watching youdo these battles

for a couple years now.

You're getting betterand better and better,

and I don't know.I think you could win

this competition, so...- You better

because I need to loseto the winner.

- [laughs][cheers and applause]

- You got my vote, Alex,right out of the gate.

- Eh, [bleep] your mother, Jeff.

- All right, one for Alex.- Thank you.

- Whoo, hi, guys.- Hi, Whitney.

- Uh--hi, hi.I love you both.

I've seen both of you before...- Oh, thank you.

- And, uh--and I feel like this was--

maybe it's 'cause I'm--I'm a girl,

but this one felta little rough for me.

[laughter]Uh, I felt like I was--

it--what?

These [bleep] assholes.- Rough how?

What do you mean?- I--it was--it felt like

there was a lack of,like, levity in this one.

So I guess I felt likethe jokes were there.

I felt like there wassome performance stuff

where I felt like you guyswere actually mad at each other,

and I--maybe that's justme being hypersensitive,

but I was, like--I feel likeso much of the roast is that

we actually all love each otherand we're all--

we check in with each otherand, like, laugh,

so I felt likeI was missing a little of that,

and then, Scott,you taught everyone

how precise you have to bewith the--

if you [bleep] stutterthe tiniest bit...

- Yeah, yeah.- The best joke in the world--

- It was the last minute.I wasn't gonna use that one

and I used it and I shitthe [bleep] bed, Whit.

- But I see past it and I knowthat was a great joke...

- Thank you.

- And it's happenedto me before,

but I'm stillnot gonna give it to you,

and I'm sorry.- Well, go [bleep] yourself.

- That's the worst thingI could say.

I know, but I--that's not your fault.

It [bleep] happensto the best of everybody.

Alex, uh, great job.

Whatever the [bleep]you're doing.

- Thank you.- Your round, baby.

[cheers and applause]

- Ken.- Okay, anyway, [bleep] you.

- What do you think, Ken?- No, I-I totally agree.

I--actually both of you guysdid amazing.

Scott, to me, to ac--I've never seen someone roast

another person's motherand have the ball--

that is--that ishow you do that.

Yes, you started out slowat the gate,

but you did--but you really just went for it.

- Scott and my mom--- Shut up, bitch!

Jesus Christ, you old [bleep]!- Oh, it's not a roast.

She just hasto shut the [bleep] up.

Oh, okay.- Scott and my mom

have a lot in common.She's incontinent

and his jokes areas strong as his Kegel muscles.

- You won already.Shut up.

Shut the [bleep] up.- But, Alex, I agree.

You're operatingon another level.

- He won.Why's he talking?

- You're confidant.- What the [bleep] is that?

- You're just in--you'rein some sort of [bleep] zone

and everyone loves it

and, yeah, you--you deserve to win tonight.

Great job, Scott.- Absolutely.

- The winner: Alex Hooper!- I--to add to that--