Marc Maron - Tribe of Seuss

The Amazing Johnathan & Marc Maron Season 1, Ep 8 02/24/1992 Views: 2,432

God doesn't talk to people like he used to. (3:02)

I THINK IT'S A TRAVESTY.

I SAY WE VOTE OUTTHE U.S. GOVERNMENT

GET RID OF THE U.S. MILITARY,GET RID OF THE COPS.

IT WILL BE WEIRD FOR A WHILE,MY FRIENDS

BUT I THINK EVENTUALLYWE'LL ALL BREAK INTO TRIBES

AND CREATE OUR OWN MYTHOLOGIES,DON'T YOU?

YOU SORT OF PICK AND CHOOSE.

JUST WALK UPTO A NOMADIC GROUP OF PEOPLE

AND GO, "HEY,WHAT TRIBE ARE YOU?"

"THIS IS THE TRIBE OF SEUSS.

THE CAT IN THE HATIS OUR SAVIOR."

( laughter )

"I THINK I CAN HANG OUT HEREFOR A FEW MINUTES."

"WOULD YOU LIKE TO READFROM THE SCRIPTURES?"

"YEAH, SURE.

OH, I GET TO WEAR THE BIG HAT."

( laughter )

I GUESS WE ARESPIRITUALLY BANKRUPT

TO A CERTAIN DEGREE.

I THINK IT'S BECAUSE GOD DOESN'TTALK TO PEOPLE LIKE HE USED TO.

I MEAN, YOU READ THE BIBLE--IT WAS LIKE EVERY OTHER DAY:

"ABRAHAM

"THIS IS GOD.

"GO TO THE MOUNTAIN,BRING YOUR KID, KILL HIM.

I'LL BE YOUR FRIEND."

( laughter )

WHO'S HE TALKING TO NOW, MAN?

WHAT IF HE TALKED TO ME?

I DON'T KNOW HOW I'D REACT.

3:30 IN THE MORNING:"MARK, THIS IS GOD.

I NEED YOU TO DOSOMETHING FOR ME."

IT'S 3:30, MAN.

( laughter )

TELL YOU WHAT.

FAX ME THE COMMANDMENTS.

I'LL GET ON IT TOMORROW.

( wild cheering and applause )

AND THEN I THINK TO MYSELF

HEY, MAYBE HE'S TALKINGTO THOSE GUYS

YOU SEE WALKING DOWN THE STREETTALKING TO THEMSELVES--

THOSE GUYS WHO ARE LIKE,"I CAN'T, NO, I CAN'T.

I CAN'T."

MAYBE GOD'S GOING,"YOU'RE THE NEW LEADER.

YOU'RE THE NEW LEADER."

"I CAN'T,I GOT TO COLLECT GARBAGE.

LEAVE ME ALONE."

( laughter )

A LOT OF PEOPLE THINKTHAT JESUS IS COMING BACK.

THAT'S FINE, THAT'S YOUR RIGHT,BUT I LIVE IN NEW YORK.

I THINK HE'S RUNNINGA LITTLE LATE.

AND I'M ASKING MYSELF,ALL RIGHT, WHAT HAPPENS

IF JESUS COMES BACK TOMORROW?

WHAT, DOES HE MAKE ROUNDSTO CHURCHES?

"OKAY, EVERYONE WHO'S BEEN GOOD,BUSES LEAVE IN TEN MINUTES.

"I'LL MEET YOU IN FRONTOF THE POST OFFICE.

"I GOT TO GO.

"OH, DON'T TELLTHE JEWS I'M BACK.

OKAY."

( cheering and applause )

OR..

OR DON'T YOU THINK, IN THE DAYAND AGE WE LIVE IN NOW

SOMETHING LIKETHE SECOND COMING MIGHT REQUIRE

A PUBLICITY CAMPAIGN?

"SECOND COMING WORLD TOUR!

THE KING OF BEERS BRINGS YOUTHE KING OF KINGS..."

( laughter )

"IN A 50-STATE, 60-COUNTRYGLOBAL EXTRAVAGANZA.

"IF YOU POP OPEN AN ICE-COLD BUDAND GET THE BLOOD OF CHRIST

"WE'LL SEND YOUAND TWO OF YOUR FRIENDS

"TO JERUSALEM FORTHE JUDGMENT DAY BASH.

"SIT RINGSIDE,PARTY WITH THE APOSTLES.

"DON'T MISS IT.

"AND DON'T MISSTHE BIG TRACTOR PULL

BEFORE THE TRANSCENDENCEOF SOULS."

( laughter )

AND THE FUNNY THINGABOUT THAT IS

YOU KNOW PEOPLE WILL BEWALKING OUT OF THAT CONCERT

GOING, "YEAH, IT WAS ALL RIGHT.

"I MEAN, I THINK HE WAS BETTER

WHEN HE HAD THE ORIGINALAPOSTLES WITH HIM."

THANK YOU!

GOOD NIGHT.

( cheering and applause )