Marc Maron - True Love

  • Season 1, Ep 2
  • 12/07/1998
  • Views: 5,896

True love lasts only a few days. (1:39)

I GOT MARRIED AND IT'S GOOD.

I JUST WANT TO CLEAR UPA FEW THINGS ABOUT MARRIAGE.

IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT LOVE.

Man:HUH?

NOPE. THAT'S HALF OF IT, BUDDY

AND YOU'LL LEARN THISAS YOU GET OLDER.

THE OTHER HALF IS ABOUT THATMOMENT YOU HAVE WITH YOURSELF

WHEN YOU'RE LOOKINGIN THE MIRROR

AND YOU JUST GO "OH, MAN, I'MGOING TO COMPROMISE MY DREAMS

"GET FAT, SICK, OLDAND DIE SOMEDAY.

GEE, I KIND OF WANT TO HAVESOMEONE AROUND FOR THAT."

YOU DON'T WANTTO BE 50 AND FAT

SITTING IN A ONE-ROOM APARTMENTBY YOURSELF GOING, "LOOK AT ME!

I'M A FAT FAILURE!"

( laughter )

NO, YOU KIND OF WANTTO HAVE SOMEONE THERE TO GO

"IT'S OKAY, HONEY.

"LET'S GO GETSOME FROZEN YOGURT...

COWBOY."

YOU'RE A VERY NICE AUDIENCE.

I BELIEVE THAT TO BE TRUE.

POLITE ANYWAYS.

THE WEIRD THINGABOUT GETTING MARRIED IS...

DO YOU BELIEVE IN IDEAL LOVE?

YOU'RE A WOMAN.A LOT OF WOMEN DO.

LIKE PERFECT LOVE?

LIKE THE KIND OF LOVELIKE ROMEO AND JULIET?

LIKE THE KIND OF LOVETHAT WOULD MAKE YOU

SAY THINGS LIKE,"I WOULD DIE FOR YOU.

"THAT'S HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU.

"I WOULD KILL A MAN FOR YOU.

THAT'S HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU."

NOW, I'M NOT SAYING THAT KINDOF LOVE DOESN'T EXIST, OKAY?

BUT IF IT DOES, GENERALLY,IT'S ONLY FOR A FEW DAYS.

USUALLY, THERE'SSUBSTANCE ABUSE INVOLVED...

( laughter )

SOMEONE IS UNEMPLOYED

AND WHEN IT'S OVER,YOU END UP STANDING

IN FRONTOF AN APARTMENT BUILDING GOING

"JUST GIVE ME MY SHIRTS!

"I'LL LEAVE. DON'T BE A BITCH.

"JUST GIVE ME MY SHIRTS.

JULIET!"

( applause )

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