Freddy Soto - The Hefty Slide

  • Season 7, Ep 12
  • 05/01/2003
  • Views: 9,554

As a kid, Freddy Soto always wanted a Slip 'N Slide. He got the Hefty Slide instead. (2:25)

THIS IS WHAT I HAD WHEN I WAS

GROWING UP, MAN.

THERE WAS ONE TOY I DIDN'T GET,

THOUGH.

I DIDN'T GET A SLIP-N-SLIDE.

I WANTED A SLIP-N-SLIDE.

YEAH, NO I G--

BUT I DID, I GOT A HEFTY SLIDE.

THAT'S COOL.

YOU GUYS REMEMBER THE

HEFTY SLIDE, WHERE YOU TAPE SOME

HEFTY BAGS TOGETHER AND YOU

LAY IT OUT ON YOUR FRONT LAWN?

PUT SOME ROCKS DOWN ON THE

CORNER SO IT DOESN'T FLY AWAY?

MY DAD USED TO WATER IT IN THE

FRONT LAWN, YOU KNOW.

AND SMOKING IN HIS UNDERWEAR.

(LAUGHTER)

AND, I MEAN, HE WANTED TO HAVE

A GOOD TIME, MAN.

IF HE SET OUT FOR A GOOD TIME,

HE MEANT IT.

"COME ON, GUY, LET'S GO.

WATER, LOOK AT THE WATER!

COME ON, MAN, THROW A

SLIP-N-SLIDE!

HE-HE-HE!

I SAID, COME ON, LET'S HAVE

SOME FUN, ALL RIGHT!

I'M NOT DOING THIS FOR NOTHING,

NOW LET'S GO.

IF YOU DON'T WANNA HAVE SOME

FUN, GO INSIDE.

(LAUGHTER)

NO, COME ON, DON'T BE SCARED,

ALL RIGHT?

DON'T--

COME ON.

WHEN YOU COME DOWN, I'M GONNA

PICK UP THE ROCK.

DON'T WORRY, I'LL PICK IT UP."

(LAUGHTER)

NOBODY PICKED UP THE ROCK,

TRUST ME ON THAT.

OH, YEAH.

I'M STILL MISSING A NIPPLE

ON THIS SIDE 'CAUSE I--

"YEAH!"

(WHISTLES)

NIPPLE.

WOO-HEW-HEW!

I STILL WANT MY NIPPLE,

YOU KNOW?

AND I WENT TO MY MOM I'M LIKE,

"MOM, MY NIPPLE."

AND SHE GIVES ME SOME KIND

OF MEXICAN WITCHCRAFT, YOU KNOW?

"DON'T WORRY, SON..."

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, BRO?

THAT MEANS RUB, RUB THE ASS

OF A FROG.

TAKE ME TO A DOCTOR, MAN,

GET SOME INSURANCE.

EVERY TIME, IT'S HOME REMEDIES,

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

YOU COULD CUT MY ARM OFF AT MY

GRANDMA'S HOUSE.

"DON'T WORRY, JUST PUT SOME

BUTTER ON IT.

(LAUGHTER)

SOME BUTTER AND SOME SOUR CREAM.

A POTATO."

COME ON, MAN.

"DAD, I'VE GOT ATHLETE'S FOOT."

"OH, YOU HAVE TO PEE ON YOUR

FEET."

(LAUGHTER)

"MAN, I'M NOT GONNA PEE ON MY

FEET."

"OH, YOU WANT ME TO?"

COME ON.

"MOM, DAD WANTS TO PEE ON MY

FEET."

"OH, YOU'VE GOT ATHLETE'S FOOT.

YOU BETTER LET HIM.

"DO YOU HAVE DANDRUFF?"

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

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