Kevin Bozeman - Student Loans

Edwards, Kennedy, Bozeman, Messing Season 4, Ep 0408 01/27/2001 Views: 5,045

Kevin got ripped off in college. (2:52)

WHAT'S UP?!

GOOD TO BE HERE ON THE COLLEGE

CAMPUS MAKING SOME MONEY!

DAMN RIGHT 'CAUSE THEY OWE ME.

I WENT TO COLLEGE.

I GOT RIPPED OFF.

WE GOT SOME COLLEGE STUDENTS

HERE TONIGHT?

(AUDIENCE SCREAMS)

DROP OUT!

I'M TELLING YOU, I GOT ONE THING

OUT OF COLLEGE, BAD CREDIT.

THAT WAS ALL I GOT, THEM STUDENT

LOANS, MAN!

I DIDN'T KNOW THEY WANTED YOU

TO PAY THAT BACK.

I THOUGHT THAT WAS ONLY IF YOU

GRADUATED.

AND THEY CALLED ME ALL THE TIME,

HARASSING ME, TRYING TO GET ME

TO PAY 'EM.

SO I SENT 'EM LIKE THREE CHECKS

TO GET THEM OFF MY BACK.

ALL OF 'EM BOUNCED.

(LAUGHTER)

ONE CHECK WAS FOR THE WHOLE

20,000 DOLLARS.

AND THEY CALL ME LIKE 11 O'CLOCK

EVERY MORNING AND I ANSWER

THE PHONE.

THEY HAVE TO KNOW THAT THAT'S

A PROBLEM.

(LAUGHTER)

PICK UP THE PHONE, I'M LIKE,

"LOOK, DUMB ASSES, OBVIOUS

I DON'T HAVE A JOB RIGHT NOW.

SO LEAVE ME ALONE.

I'M TRYING TO WATCH 'THE YOUNG

AND THE RESTLESS.'"

COLLEGE IS A BIG RIPOFF.

DROP OUT, MAN.

I'M 25,000 DOLLARS IN DEBT,

FOUR, FIVE, SIX AND-A-HALF

YEARS.

THEN YOU HAD TO PAY FOR YOUR OWN

BOOKS, 300 DOLLARS A SEMESTER.

BOUGHT MY BOOKS IN SEPTEMBER,

TOOK 'EM BACK IN DECEMBER AND

GOT BACK 8 DOLLARS AND 37 CENTS.

(LAUGHTER)

TO HELL, WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE

ME TO PRISON NOW AND GET THIS

OVER WITH?

AND THEN THEY GIVE YOU CREDIT

CARDS IN COLLEGE.

THEY JUST GIVE 'EM TO YA.

IT'S ALL PART OF THE PLAN,

PEOPLE.

THEY GAVE ME LIKE THREE CREDIT

CARDS WITH LIKE A THOUSAND

DOLLAR LIMIT EACH.

THEN THEY GOT MAD 'CAUSE

I COULDN'T PAY 'EM BACK.

I'M LIKE, "I THOUGHT WHEN I PUT

ON MY APPLICATION I MADE 18

DOLLARS A MONTH AS A INTERMERAL

REFEREE, I WOULD GET AN

EXTENSION.

DON'T GET MAD AT ME 'CAUSE

I WANTED SOME STEAK TO GO ALONG

WITH MY RAMEN NOODLES AND

KRAFT MACARONI & CHEESE."

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THAT'S WHY I DON'T EVEN GET

UPSET WHEN CREDITORS CALL ME UP.

BILL COLLECTORS CALL ME UP,

I JUST CONSIDER 'EM RACISTS,

NO MATTER HOW NICE THEY ARE.

THEY'LL BE LIKE, "LOOK,

MR. BOZEMAN,

YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA PAY THIS

MONTH AND THE MONTH BEFORE THAT

AND THE PREVIOUS MONTH AND,

FRANKLY, YOUR CREDIT HISTORY--"

I'M LIKE, "WHAT?

DID YOU JUST CALL ME NIGGER?"

(LAUGHTER)

"NO, I SAID YOUR CREDIT

HISTORY."

"OH, IT SOUNDED LIKE NIGGER

TO ME.

(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

I NEED TO SPEAK TO YOUR

MANAGER."

THAT WORKS FOR A LITTLE WHILE

TILL A BLACK GUY CALLS YOU UP.

SO I HAD A GIRLFRIEND IN