DATING GAME, I WANT YOU TO KNOW
IF YOU'RE OVER 30 STILL TALKING
ABOUT MEN AIN'T NO GOOD...
IT'S YOU, BABY!
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
THE ENEMY IS IN THE MIRROR.
AND ANOTHER THING, LADIES,
MAKE SURE YOUR BOYFRIEND
DOES NOT HAVE ACCESS TO YOUR
CELL PHONE.
I HAD A BAD EXPERIENCE WITH
THAT.
I CALLED A GIRL WHEN I GOT HERE
TO NEW YORK, THAT I KNOW OUT
HERE.
I WAS LIKE "HEY, IT'S COREY,
I'M IN TOWN.
HA, HA, HA, HA!
WE GONNA DO OUR THING."
YOU KNOW ALL THAT.
THEN FIVE MINUTES LATER
THIS DUDE CALLED MY PHONE BACK.
HE WAS LIKE, "HEY, HEY, HEY MAN,
LOOK HERE, WHAT THE HELL
YOU WANT?"
I WAS LIKE "I WAS JUST TRYING
TO GET IN TOUCH WITH OUR GIRL.
[LAUGHTER]
"YOU MUST BE THE DUDE ON THE
PICTURE IN HER LIVING ROOM.
THAT'S A NICE TATTOO.
[LAUGHTER]
ANYWAY, DON'T TAKE ME THE
WRONG WAY, LADIES.
I LOVE YOU.
I WANT YOU TO STAY IN SCHOOL
AND UH...
[LAUGHTER]
KEEP GETTING THOSE GOOD JOBS
BECAUSE GUYS LIKE ME NEED
A PLACE TO LAY UP AND PRACTICE
PLAY STATION WHILE YOU AT WORK
MY HIGH SCORE DEPENDS ON YOU,
DID YOU KNOW THAT?
[LAUGHTER]
ALSO LADIES, IF YOU THINK
I'M SEXY CAN YOU PLEASE LET ME
KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE
SO I CAN CALL THIS OTHER CHICK
SO I CAN TELL HER I AIN'T GONNA
MAKE IT.
[LAUGHTER]
I DON'T CARE HOW YOU LOOK
BY THE WAY.
I'M NOT INTO LOOKS.
I JUST NEED TO SEE YOU AS SOON
AS POSSIBLE SO I KNOW HOW MUCH
MONEY TO TAKE OUT OF THAT ATM
TO PURCHASE ALCOHOL.
I NEED TO KNOW IF I NEED A
COUPLE MORE SHOTS OF COGNAC
OR A LONG ISLAND I.V. IMPLANTED
INTO MY ARM, OKAY?
I'M COREY HOLCOMB Y'ALL,
TAKE IT EASY.