DATING GAME, I WANT YOU TO KNOW

IF YOU'RE OVER 30 STILL TALKING

ABOUT MEN AIN'T NO GOOD...

IT'S YOU, BABY!

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THE ENEMY IS IN THE MIRROR.

AND ANOTHER THING, LADIES,

MAKE SURE YOUR BOYFRIEND

DOES NOT HAVE ACCESS TO YOUR

CELL PHONE.

I HAD A BAD EXPERIENCE WITH

THAT.

I CALLED A GIRL WHEN I GOT HERE

TO NEW YORK, THAT I KNOW OUT

HERE.

I WAS LIKE "HEY, IT'S COREY,

I'M IN TOWN.

HA, HA, HA, HA!

WE GONNA DO OUR THING."

YOU KNOW ALL THAT.

THEN FIVE MINUTES LATER

THIS DUDE CALLED MY PHONE BACK.

HE WAS LIKE, "HEY, HEY, HEY MAN,

LOOK HERE, WHAT THE HELL

YOU WANT?"

I WAS LIKE "I WAS JUST TRYING

TO GET IN TOUCH WITH OUR GIRL.

[LAUGHTER]

"YOU MUST BE THE DUDE ON THE

PICTURE IN HER LIVING ROOM.

THAT'S A NICE TATTOO.

[LAUGHTER]

ANYWAY, DON'T TAKE ME THE

WRONG WAY, LADIES.

I LOVE YOU.

I WANT YOU TO STAY IN SCHOOL

AND UH...

[LAUGHTER]

KEEP GETTING THOSE GOOD JOBS

BECAUSE GUYS LIKE ME NEED

A PLACE TO LAY UP AND PRACTICE

PLAY STATION WHILE YOU AT WORK

MY HIGH SCORE DEPENDS ON YOU,

DID YOU KNOW THAT?

[LAUGHTER]

ALSO LADIES, IF YOU THINK

I'M SEXY CAN YOU PLEASE LET ME

KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE

SO I CAN CALL THIS OTHER CHICK

SO I CAN TELL HER I AIN'T GONNA

MAKE IT.

[LAUGHTER]

I DON'T CARE HOW YOU LOOK

BY THE WAY.

I'M NOT INTO LOOKS.

I JUST NEED TO SEE YOU AS SOON

AS POSSIBLE SO I KNOW HOW MUCH

MONEY TO TAKE OUT OF THAT ATM

TO PURCHASE ALCOHOL.

I NEED TO KNOW IF I NEED A

COUPLE MORE SHOTS OF COGNAC

OR A LONG ISLAND I.V. IMPLANTED

INTO MY ARM, OKAY?

I'M COREY HOLCOMB Y'ALL,

TAKE IT EASY.