Chris D'Elia - Tough Dudes

  • Season 15 , Ep 5
  • 01/11/2011
  • Views: 21,785

Chris D'Elia observes that gangsters abandon all their hardcoreness when they laugh. (1:43)

LIKE, I WANNA BE TOUGH,LIKE A TOUGH DUDE,

LIKE, "YEAH,WHAT UP, PLAYER?"

[audience laughing]

OH, THERE'S THE GANGSTERGIRLS, RIGHT THERE.

[audience laughing]

"OH, MY GOD!

"A-HA-HA!"

I DON'T KNOW WHYGIRLS SHORT CIRCUIT

WHEN THEYGET EXCITED.

[audience laughing]

"A-HA-HA-HA!"

[audience laughing]

THAT'S YOU,THAT'S YOU.

YEAH, BUT IFI WAS LIKE,

"NOBODY MESSESWITH THIS DUDE.

YOU KNOWWHAT I MEAN?

YEAH, THAT'SRIGHT, PLAYER.

"HA-HA!"

[audience laughing]

I DON'T KNOW WHY GANGSTERSLAUGH AT NOTHING.

IT'S WEIRD.

"WHAT UP, PLAYER--HA-HA!"

[audience laughing]

IT'S-IT'S NOTFUNNY, AT ALL.

YOU DIDN'T EVENMAKE A JOKE.

DID I MISS A SETUP--LIKE, I DON'T GET IT.

"YEAH, PLAYER--I'M HARDCORE.

"TA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA."

GANGSTERS ARE GANGSTERSUNTIL THEY LAUGH, RIGHT?

LIKE, WHENEVERTHEY LAUGH,

THEY JUST ABANDONALL HARDCORENESS, RIGHT?

LIKE, THEY'LL JUST BEREAL HARDCORE UNTIL THEN.

THEY'LL BE LIKE,"YEAH, PLAYER.

"I'LL CUT YOURDOG'S HEAD OFF

"AND EAT THATFOR BREAKFAST, SON.

"TA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA.

[audience laughing]

"I'LL KILL YOURWHOLE FAMILY

"AND LAY 'EM SIXFEET DEEP, PLAYER.

"TA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA."

[audience laughing]

[cheers and applause]

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT!

YOU EVER GETTHAT ONE GANGSTER

THAT'S LIKE, "YEAH,PLAYER-- THAT'S RIGHT!"

HE DON'T EVEN OPEN UP HISMOUTH-- THAT'S HOW MAD HE IS.

[audience laughing]

"YEAH, DON'T MAKE ME."

HE'S LIKE,"YEAH, PLAYER.

"I AIN'T GOT TO OPEN UPMY MOUTH FOR NOBODY!

"YA'LL THINK I GOTTAOPEN UP MY MOUTH?

"I DON'T OPEN UPMY MOUTH FOR NOBODY!

"ONLY-ONLY REASON I OPEN UPMY MOUTH FOR ONE THING,

"AND THAT'S THIS--TA-HA-HA-HA-HA."

[audience laughing]

[cheers and applause]

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