Jimmy Pardo - Renaissance Fair

Pardo, Perkins, Allen, Layborne Season 3, Ep 308 02/15/2000 Views: 3,746

There hasn't been a good joust match in a while. (2:49)

I'LL TELL YOU WHY, FOLKS.

I CAN'T GET LIQUORED UP.

TWO REASONS.

NUMBER ONE, LAST TIME I DRANK,I DROVE INTO A DITCH.

WHICH DOESN'T SOUND LIKETHAT BIG OF A DEAL

BUT I STOPPED AT THE DITCH,LOOKED LEFT AND RIGHT

THEN DROVE INTO THE DITCH.

THAT'S NOT A GOOD MORNING.

( laughter )

SO LAST SATURDAY,ABOUT TWO SATURDAYS AGO

I'M SITTING AROUND MY HOUSE

I'M DOING WHAT I DO,WHICH IS MY BUSINESS--

NONE OF YOURS.

THE PHONE RINGS,I PICK IT UP.

STANDARD PHONE PROCEDURE.

SOME FRIENDS OF MINEWANT TO KNOW

IF I WANT TO GOTO A RENAISSANCE FAIR.

HELL YES, I WANT TO GO!

( applause )

THANK CHRIST YOU CALLED.

I'M SITTING AROUND AND I'MGOING, WHAT DO I WANT TO DO?

DO I WANT TO GOTO A PICNIC?

MAYBE A BALL GAME?

NO, I'D LIKE TO SEESOME JOUSTING.

I HAVEN'T SEEN A GOOD JOUSTSINCE THE HAGAR-ROTH OF '84.

THAT WAS ONE HELL OF A JOUST.

IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN,THAT WAS HAGAR'S COMEBACK JOUST.

WILL, COULD I GET A "G"OVER THERE, BY THE WAY?

♪ DE-DE-DE-DE...

WE'RE GOOD.

ALL RIGHT, THANKS.

( humming )

WE'RE GOOD.

AND, UH...

( scattered applause )

GIVE IT UP.

YOU HEAR THEM APPLAUDING.

LET'S GO.

YEP.

THAT'S HOW WE WORK IT.

WHENEVER YOU APPLAUD,WE ALL APPLAUD.

THAT'S HOW DADDY WORKS HIS SHOW.

ANYHOW, I, UH...

RECENTLY WENT AND SAW EYES WIDE SHUT.

DID YOU FOLKS SEE THAT FILM?

DID YOU SEE EYES WIDE SHUT?

YEAH.

YOU DIDN'T SEE IT?

PIECE OF GARBAGE.

NOT THE MOVIE--

YOU, FOR NOT SEEING IT.

GET UP OFF YOUR ASS.

WHAT'S IT TAKE TO SEEA NICE PICTURE WITH YOU?

WHAT'S IT GOING TO TAKE, LOVE STINKS?

GOD, HAVE YOU SEEN THE PREVIEWSFOR THAT MOVIE?

THAT LOOKS AWFUL.

I DON'T SEE THAT MOVIEIF IT'S PLAYING IN MY GLASSES.

THAT'S MY FIRST LOVE--

THE THEATER,LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

YOU GUYS KNOW THAT, RIGHT?

THE ORCHESTRA BACK THERE,YOU GUYS KNOW IT.

IT'S MY FIRST LOVE.

I'M WRITING A PLAY RIGHT NOW--

DIARY OF ANNE FRANK-- THE MUSICAL.

AND IT'S GOING TO BE BIG.

♪ WHERE IS SHE HIDING?WHERE IS SHE HIDING? ♪

TOMMY, PREPARE FOR THE DISMOUNT.

I WILL LEAVE YOU FOLKSWITH THIS.

WE'VE BEEN UP HERE A WHILE

BUT I JUST HAVE ONE QUESTIONFOR YOU, SIR...

IS THIS YOUR CARD?