Lewis Black - The Weather

  • Season 1 , Ep 4
  • 12/21/1998
  • Views: 16,813

Meteorologist is just another word for liar. (1:59)

I'M ECSTATIC.

FIRST, EL NINO, THEN LA NINA.

NO WONDER YOU PEOPLE ARE CRAZY.

BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER.

THE WEATHER IS OUT OF CONTROLTHROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE COUNTRY.

WHEREVER YOU GO, ONE DAY IT'S 90

THEN IT'S 30, THEN IT'S 80,THEN IT'S 20

AND MY BALLS CAN'T TAKE IT.

BIG AND THEN SMALL,BIG, SMALL, BIG-SMALL-BIG...

( laughter and applause )

APPARENTLY, I CAN'T HAVE KIDS'CAUSE MY SPERM ARE GAGGING.

BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WORSE.

I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S THE WEATHEROR THE WEATHERMEN, OKAY?

A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO, INNEW YORK CITY, WE HAD A BLIZZARD

AND OUR WEATHERMAN AT THE TIMEWAS AL ROKER.

YOU KNOW AL. OKAY?

HE PREDICTED,BEFORE THE BLIZZARD--

WHICH IS AN EMERGENCY CONDITION,BY THE WAY--

HE PREDICTED WE WOULD HAVE

FOUR TO TWELVE INCHES OF SNOW.

WE HAD 36 INCHES OF SNOW.

NOW, GIVING HIMTHE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT

HE'S TWO FEET OFF.

THAT'S NOT EVEN CLOSE.

IF YOU WERE A ROOFER

AND YOU BUILT A ROOF,AND IT WAS TWO FEET OFF

YOU'D STILL BE IN PRISON.

( laughter )

WHAT DOES THE WORD"METEOROLOGIST" MEAN IN ENGLISH?

IT MEANS LIAR.

( laughter )

AND WHAT'S THE BEST JOBYOU CAN POSSIBLY HAVE?

IT'S BEING THE WEATHERMANIN SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA.

IT DOES NOT GETANY BETTER THAN THAT.

YOU'VE GOT A SIX-FIGURE INCOME.

YOU'RE ON TVFOR ABOUT 30 SECONDS.

PEOPLE GO, "WHAT'S THE WEATHERGOING TO BE LIKE, LEW?"

"NICE."

( laughter )

"BACK TO YOU."

( laughter and applause )

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