DeRay Davis - Black Men

CC Presents: DeRay Davis Season 10, Ep 3 02/24/2006 Views: 20,261

There are certain things black men can't do, like be in relationships. (3:06)

YOU LIKE THAT?

[CHEERS & APPLAUSE CONTINUES]

YOU CAN STOP. YOU CAN STOP NOW. NO, I'M JUST KIDDING.

I'M GONNA LET Y'ALLKNOW SOMETHING UP FRONT.

THIS AIN'T A COMEDY SHOW. THIS A GET TOGETHER.

SO I WANT Y'ALL TO GET COMFORTABLE.

DON'T FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO KNOW EVERYBODY. SIT DOWN. RELAX. THIS IS--

I WANT TO APOLOGIZE LIKE I ALWAYS DO FOR NOT HAVING JOKES.

THIS IS MY LIFE.AND IT'S ALL MESSED UP.

WHY THE HELL I GOTTA HAVE A GARBAGE CAN ON MY SET?

- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] - LOOK AT-- AT THE BLACK--

WHY DO BLACK MAN GOTTA HAVE A GARBAGE CAN...?

CERTAIN THINGS ARE JUSTNOT FOR BLACK PEOPLE.

CERTAIN JOBS BLACK PEOPLE DON'T TRUST BLACK PEOPLE WITH.

DON'T LIE. IF YOU AT HOME THIS IS THE DeRAY WAY.

I'M TELLING YOU.CERTAIN THINGS WE DO NOTTRUST BLACK PEOPLE WITH.

- BLACK VALET. - [LAUGHTER]

HATE TO SEE THIS RIGHT NOW.

BUT I AIN'T GIVING NO [BLEEP] MY KEYS. UNH-UH.

I PULL UP, HE STANDING THERE ALL CHILLS. "SO IS THIS YOUR CAR?"

[LAUGHTER]

"HOW LONG YOU GONNA BE--" HELL NO.

"HEY PEDRO, COME HERE. PEDRO, COME HERE."

- A BLACK LIFE GUARD. HELL NO! - [LAUGHTER]

TELL THE TRUTH.

YOU GO TO THE DAMN BEACH AND YOU SEE A BLACK LIFEGUARD.

HE SITTING THERE CHILLIN'. HE GOT TIMBERLAND'S ON...

[LAUGHTER]

HE CAN'T EVEN DIVE AND SAVE YOU RIGHT?

HE GOTTA DIVE ALL SEXY. "I GOT HIM."

- HELL NO! - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THERE'S CERTAIN THINGS WE JUST CAN'T DO.

LIKE BLACK MEN. CERTAIN THINGS WE CAN'T DO. LIKE BE IN RELATIONSHIPS.

IT'S NOT FOR US. IT'S JUST NOT FOR--

I DO NOT WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP.

WOMEN CRAZY, MAN.

- WOMEN ARE CRAZY. I DON'T KNOW. - [APPLAUSE]

WOMEN CLAP. YOU KNOW YOU NUTS.

LOOK YOU SITTING NEXT TO A CRAZY WOMAN NOW.

HE DON'T EVEN WANT TO SPEAK. "I'M SORRY. I DON'T WANT--

- I'M JUST SAYING." - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

WOMEN DON'T LIKE BROKE MEN.HELL, WE DON'T LIKE BEING BROKE.

YOU THINK IT'SOUR CHOICE TO BE BROKE?

I LIVE IN L.A.I HANG WITH THE RICHESTPEOPLE IN AMERICA.

AND THEY TREAT ME LIKE HELL.

I'M OUT HANGING WITH BALL PLAYERS.

YOU EVER HUNG WITH A BASKETBALL PLAYER?

THEY MAKE YOU FEELLIKE YOU AIN'T NOTHIN'.THEY CALL ME--

"EY, LET'S CALL DeRAY.SO HE CAN MAKE US LAUGHWHILE WE SHOPPING."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

NOW I'M AT THE MALL FOLLOWING THEM AROUND. TELLING JOKES.

THEY BUYING STUFF THEY NOT EVEN LOOKING AT. "GIVE ME THAT.

GIVE ME THAT." ASK ME IF I WANT SOMETHING LIKE A BITCH?

"HEY, YOU WANT SOMETHING?" "UH-HUH, SOME JEANS.

I HOPE YOU DON'T THINK THIS MEAN NOTHIN'."

[LAUGHTER]