I went to college to do this--not really.
I finished collegein three years.
A lot of people say
that's hard to do, but allthose people have degrees.
( muttering ):Not me-- I don't have...
They're like,"How'd you finish so quickly?"
And I go, "I just said, 'I'mfinished,' and then, I left."
Like nobody's gonna stop me?
I went to a community college,'cause I'm not very smart.
The hardest thing to doat a community college
is cheat on a test,
because the only peopleyou can cheat off of
also go to a community college.
I was like, "What'd you getfor number three?"
The guy is, like,"True. What'd you get?"
I go, "Finland. Wow.
One of us is goingto get this wrong."
I lost my virginity in college,
which is kind of latefor some people.
The girl was, like,very experienced.
She was a chatterbox, she waswanting me to talk dirty to her.
She goes, "Tommy, tell mewhat you're thinking."
So I smacked her on the butt,and I was like,
"I can't wait to tell my friendsabout this."
© 2017 Comedy Partners. All Rights Reserved. Comedy Central and all related titles, logos and characters are trademarks of comedy partners.