John the Waiter Gets Real

  • Season 1, Ep 10
  • 03/26/2014
  • Views: 14,817

Abbi and Ilana's server at an upscale restaurant is charming in the dining room, but his genteel persona disappears once he's back in the kitchen. (1:19)

It isa local puréed chard

that is topped with poached crab

and then splashed witha really yummy ramp dressing.

I love yummy ramps.

Oh, I love, um, chards.

We like tosay here that ramp

is the truffleof onions.

(chuckles)It's a dumb little joke.

(together)We like to say that, too.

(chuckles)That's funny.

Now have you guysbeen to Octavia before?

No, we arepoppin' our cherry.

Wow.(chuckles)

Well, you just let medo the driving.

I'm gonnatake excellent care

of you guystonight.

Okay.Once again...

je m'appelle John,and bonne anniversaire.

Oh, thank you.

Wow.

He's talland he's bilingual?

I'm short and I can'tspeak English good.

He probably hasa French press

and one of those thingsthat in the bathroom

you cleanyour butthole with.

Oh, a bidet.A bidet.

(sighs)He's so classy.

Totally.

You're bad-mouthing meto Anton now?

You cannotfind one minute

to go pick my sister upat the airport?

Tell her fatass to flag down a cab

like a person.

My sister isan ex-junkie, John, okay?

She needs someone topick her up,

she can't be unsupervised.Jesus Christ,she's a grown woman.

She can't be babysather whole life, Cheryl.

Well, thank you so muchfor the support.

Support? Tell her to giveback the laptop she stole.

She never stole that!

You have no proof that she--Are you kidding me?

You need to wake up.What? You're crazy.

I don't know that she gaveus bedbugs for sure,

but I'mpretty damn positive.

This is why I wantedyou to go to Al Anon.

Salmon, we got onion rings,we got a gumbo.

How's the steak doing?

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