Pete Davidson - Smoking Weed, Black Friends & Staten Island

  • Season 1 , Ep 6
  • 12/05/2013
  • Views: 16,579

Pete Davidson describes why he smokes pot, how he feels when his friends compliment his shoes and his hometown on Staten Island. (2:29)

I'M A POT HEAD. I'M PRETTYSURE YOU CAN TELL.

YEAH. I, UH, I SMOKE WEED

'CAUSE THE COMMERCIALSAGAINST IT SUCK.

LIKE, THE CIGARETTE COMMERCIALSARE GOOD.

THEY'RE GOOD,THE LADY HAS NO FINGERS.

I'M LIKE,NAH, I NEED THOSE.

HOW AM I GONNA SMOKE WEEDWITH NO FINGERS?

THERE'S CERTAIN THINGSI CAN'T DO WHEN I'M HIGH.

I FIGURED THIS OUT RECENTLY.I CAN'T PLAY CALL OF DUTY.

'CAUSE I'M AFRAIDOF DYING.

SOON AS THE GAME STARTS,I JUST HIDE BEHIND A ROCK.

I'M LIKE,"YOU GUYS GO.

"I'M GONNA LISTEN TO THESEFIFTH-GRADERS CALL ME A [bleep]

FOR THE NEXT 32 MINUTES."

ALL MY FRIENDSARE BLACK,

IF YOU CAN'T TELLBY MY SNEAKERS: JORDANS.

YOU EVER HAVE A BLACK GUYCOMPLIMENT YOUR SNEAKERS?

YOU'RE LIKE,OH, WOW, THESE MUST BE COOL.

IF A WHITE GUYCOMPLIMENTS MY SNEAKERS,

I'M LIKE,I'M GONNA THROW THESE OUT.

THESE MUST--WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE,I HAVE A KID COMING?

ALL MY FRIENDS ARE BLACK,AND IT'S WEIRD,

'CAUSE I'MTHE ONLY WHITE GUY,

AND BLACK PEOPLE SPEAK ENGLISH,BUT THEY DON'T.

YOU KNOW?YOU GUYS KNOW THIS?

RIGHT, LIKE, MY BOYCAME UP TO ME THE OTHER DAY,

AND HE WAS DEAD SERIOUS.HE WAS LIKE, "YO, PETE,

I HAVEN'T SEEN YOUIN A MINUTE."

I'M LIKE, "JAYQUAN, UH...

"I HAVEN'T SEEN YOUIN FIVE YEARS.

"WHAT THE [bleep]ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

DO YOU HAVEPERCEPTION OF TIME?"

LIKE, I THINK THAT'S WHYBLACK PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS LATE.

THEY JUST HAVE NO IDEAWHAT TIME IS.

THEY LOOK AT THEIR WATCH,LIKE, "OOH, DIAMONDS."

THEY HAVE NO IDEA.

I, UH, I'M FROM STATEN ISLAND.I'M SORRY, EVERYBODY.

[cheers and applause]

IF YOU GUYS DON'T KNOWWHAT STATEN ISLAND IS,

IT'S--IT'S LIKENEW YORK'S ABORTION THAT LIVED.

LIKE, IT'S JUST--

IT'S THIS AWFUL PLACEWHERE DREAMS DIE,

AND I'M FROM THERE.

LIKE, THE ONLY GOOD THINGWE HAVE ARE WOMEN SEX OFFENDERS.

I THINK THAT'S AWESOME.

IT'S ACTUALLY WHYI STILL LIVE THERE.

IF I TURN ON FOX NEWSAND THE GUY'S LIKE,

"WOMAN RAPES THREE KIDS, AND--13 AND 17 IN THE WOODS."

I'M LIKE,"MA, I'M GOING CAMPING.

YOU GOT THAT BOY SCOUT OUTFITFROM THIRD GRADE?"

"IT WON'T FIT YOU.""THAT'S THE POINT."

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