Zach Galifianakis - Multiple Personalities

  • Season 5 , Ep 12
  • 09/16/2001
  • Views: 102,191

♪ (piano plays softly)

THREE YEARS AGO MY SISTERWAS DIAGNOSED

WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES.

AND THERE'S NOTHINGFUNNY ABOUT THAT.

BUT SHE PHONED ME THE OTHER DAY,AND MY CALLER ID EXPLODED.

(LAUGHTER)

I LIKE TO GO TO REALLY BAD

MOVIES THAT ARE LIKE IN THEIR6th WEEK AND THERE'S ONLY

ONE OTHER PERSON IN THE THEATER.

AND I LIKE TO SIT RIGHT NEXTTO THEM.

(LAUGHTER)

AND THEY'RE LIKE-- EXCUSE ME,

AND I'M LIKE-- SHHH.

I CAN'T HEAR KEANU.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I USED TO TEMP HERE IN NEW YORK.

I'LL NEVER FORGET, I CALLED ATEMP AGENCY ONCE AND THEY WERE

LIKE-- "WELL, DO YOU HAVE ANYPHONE SKILLS?"

I WAS LIKE-- "I CALLED YOU,DIDN'T I?"

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE TO DO WHEN

I'M MAKING OUT WITH A WOMAN?

I LIKE TO WHISPER IN HER EAR--"WILL YOU TOUCH MY VAGINA?"

(LAUGHTER)

AND SHE'S LIKE, "WHAT?"

AND I'M LIKE (WHISPERS) "THAT'SWHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

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