Dan Naturman - Going to the Movies Alone

  • Season 9 , Ep 11
  • 04/14/2005
  • Views: 5,625

There's nothing worse than a chatterbox friend in a movie theater. (2:16)

Dan Naturman: I GO TO THE MOVIES

A LOT, I'M A BIG MOVIE BUFF.

BUT I GO TO THE MOVIES BY MYSELF

WHICH SOUNDS A LITTLE WEIRD

TO SOME OF YA BUT I'LL TELL YOU

THIS, THAT'S ACTUALLY THE BEST

WAY TO IF YOU'RE A REAL MOVIE

FAN, YOU GO TO A MOVIE ALONE

YOU CAN CONCENTRATE ON THE

MOVIE.

THERE'S NOTHING WORSE, YOU GO TO

A MOVIE WITH SOMEBODY AND

THEY'RE CHATTERING THE WHOLE

TIME, THAT IS ANNOYING, I HATE

THAT.

YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORSE IS?

YOU EVER GO TO A MOVIE

AND YOU'RE FRIEND GOES TO THE

BATHROOM AND COMES BACK AND SAYS

"WHAT DID I MISS?"

THAT'S ANNOYING.

I'LL BE LIKE, "WHAT'D YOU MISS?

NOTHING.

THERE WAS A COMMERCIAL.

NOW SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP."

[LAUGHTER]

NOW WHAT DID I MISS?

DID YOU GO NUMBER ONE OR

NUMBER TWO?

YOU KNOW, TRY TO TURN IT AROUND

ON 'EM.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

I THINK TECHNOLOGY IS A

DOUBLE EDGE SWORD BECAUSE, UH,

LIKE WE HAVE A LOT OF TECHNOLOGY

NOW WHICH IS A GOOD THING

IN SOME WAYS BUT IN OTHER WAYS

IS A BAD THING.

LIKE FOR EXAMPLE, NOWADAYS

YOU CANNOT GET A MOMENT'S PEACE.

YOU CAN'T GET AWAY FROM PEOPLE.

YOU TRYING TO AVOID PEOPLE,

YOU CAN'T AVOID 'EM.

LIKE THE OTHER DAY THIS

HAPPENED TO ME, I DON'T IF IT'S

HAPPENED TO YOU, MY HOME PHONE

RINGS, I DON'T ANSWER IT,

ALL RIGHT.

HALF A SECOND LATER MY

CELL PHONE GOES OFF, IT'S LIKE

"WHAT PART OF I'M MASTURBATING

DON'T YOU GET?

[LAUGHTER]

LEAVE ME ALONE."

AND YOU CAN'T EVEN TELL PEOPLE

"I DIDN'T GET YOUR MESSAGE"

ANYMORE, THOSE DAYS ARE GONE.

AIN'T NOBODY BUYING THAT EXCUSE.

NOT ANYMORE THEY'RE NOT.

YOU JUST GOT TO BE HONEST WITH

PEOPLE.

IT'S LIKE, "WHY DIDN'T YOU GET

BACK TO ME?"

"EH, I DON'T LIKE YA.

I DON'T LIKE YA.

THAT'S ALL I REALLY GOT FOR YA.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THERE IS A LOT OF CRAZY SEX

GOING ON NOW.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE SEEN

SOME OF THESE VIDEOS THEY SELL

LATE NIGHT ON TELEVISION

BUT IT'S CRAZY.

EVERYBODY'S GOING CRAZY AND A

LOT OF PEOPLE ARE TAPING

THEMSELVES HAVING SEX.

I DON'T KNOW IF ANY OF YOU HAVE

EVER DONE THAT BUT I KNOW A GUY

WHO TAPED HIMSELF HAVING SEX

AND HE DIDN'T TELL THE GIRL HE

WAS TAPING, WHICH IS NOT RIGHT.

SO FELLAS, DON'T DO THAT

BUT LADIES, BE CAREFUL THE GUY

MIGHT BE TAPING AND NOT TELLING

YOU, SO BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR

CLUES, RIGHT?

LIKE FOR EXAMPLE, IF HE INSISTS

ON LEAVING THE LIGHTS ON, RIGHT,

AND THEY'RE STAGE LIGHTS,

YA KNOW, THEN THE TAPE MIGHT BE

ROLLING.

[LAUGHTER]

I WANT TO TRY GROUP SEX.

THAT WHAT I WANT TO DO.

I'VE NEVER HAD THAT BEFORE.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN.

NOW I KNOW SOME OF YOU HAVE

DONE IT.

I'M NOT GOING TO POINT YOU OUT

BUT I CAN TELL SOME OF YOU HAVE

DONE IT.

NOW HOW DOES IT WORK THOUGH?

IS IT LIKE FOOTBALL?

DO YOU HAVE A HUDDLE BEFOREHAND?

KINDA PLAN EVERYTHING OUT,

RIGHT?

YOU'RE LIKE, "OKAY, YOU TAKE

RACHEL FROM BEHIND, UH, I'LL

COVER SARAH, UH MURPHY GO LONG,

MASTURBATE IN THE CORNER.

[LAUGHTER]

FOR NOW, WE'LL TRY TO SQUEEZE

YOU IN THE SECOND HALF."

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

THAT'S THE PROBLEM, THERE'S

ALWAYS TOO MANY GUYS SHOWING UP

FOR THOSE THINGS.

[LAUGHTER]

Loading...