Freddy Soto - Con Artist Dad

  • Season 7 , Ep 12
  • 05/01/2003
  • Views: 13,704

Now that Freddy Soto has grown up, his dad wants his millions of dollars paid back. (3:05)

I JUST HAD A BABY GIRL SO THAT'S

WHY...

(CHEERS AND WHISTLES)

YEAH.

THAT'S WHY YOU FEEL WHAT

I'M FEELING, MAN.

YOU DON'T KNOW, EVERY DAY I GET

TO LOOK AT HER AND, YOU KNOW,

NOW SHE'S LOOKIN' AT ME AND

STUFF.

SHE HAS LIKE A WOBBLY NECK.

YEAH, SHE CAN'T LOOK AT ME

AT ALL.

SHE JUST--

(LAUGHTER)

THEN HER ARM SPAZZES OUT AND--

(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

IT MAKES ME NERVOUS, YOU KNOW

WHAT I MEAN?

MY DAD IS VERY HAPPY THAT I HAD

THE BABY.

BUT IT'S LIKE HE'S MORE HAPPY

THAT I HAVE SOMETHING ELSE

TO WORRY ABOUT BESIDES MYSELF.

DOES THAT MAKE SENSE TO YOU?

NOW HE'S, "WHOA HO-HO!

NOW YOU'RE GONNA SEE WHAT

IT'S LIKE!

(LAUGHTER)

NOW YOU'RE GONNA KNOW WHAT IT'S

LIKE TO HAVE A BA--

HE-HE-HE-HE!

OH, NO MORE MR. PARTY-TIME.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

NO, NO, NO.

YOU HAVE TO PAY MONEY.

BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOUR BABY

NEEDS, MIJO, NOW YOU'RE GONNA--

'I WANT MONEY, DADDY.

GIVE ME MONEY, DADDY.'

"MAN, DAD, WHEN DID I ASK YOU

FOR MONEY?"

"OH, YOU DON'T REMEMBER?

YOU DON'T REMEMBER?

♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY ♪

♪ MERRY CHRISTMAS ♪

♪ HAPPY NEW YEAR ♪

QUARTERS FOR DONKEY KONG,

NIKE SNEAKERS, TWINKIE."

(LAUGHTER)

I'M LIKE, "MAN, YOU'RE HOLDING

A GRUDGE, BROTHER.

WHY ARE YOU STRESSING SO HARD,

MAN?

I DON'T OWE YOU ANY CASH?"

"OH, NO, YOU OWE ME MILLIONS."

(LAUGHTER)

HE'LL JUST SAY IT LIKE THAT,

BUT HE'S A CON ARTIST, MAN.

HE'S ALWAYS LOOKIN' FOR THAT

EDGE TO GET SOME CASH.

LIKE, "COME ON, GUY.

YOU NEED TO GIVE ME, YOU KNOW,

(UNINTELLIGIBLE) HUNDRED."

(LAUGHTER)

I SAID, "WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

"WHAT DID YOU HEAR?"

(LAUGHTER)

CON ARTIST, MAN.

THAT'S HOW HE'S BEEN SINCE I WAS

A KID, MAN.

YOU KNOW, I HAD TO PREPARE

FOR MY BABY, YOU KNOW.

I BOUGHT LITTLE PLAYPENS--

TOYS FOR THE BABY AND STUFF

LIKE THAT.

AND THEN LIKE AN IDIOT, I SAID,

"DAD, HOW DID YOU GUYS PREPARE

FOR ME?"

"HE-HE-HE-HE!

WE DIDN'T EVEN WANT YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE COMING

TILL A WEEK BEFORE."

MY PARENTS WERE YOUNG, BROTHER.

THEY WERE LIKE 15 OR 16 WHEN

THEY HAD ME SO IT'S ONE OF THOSE

THINGS LIKE, YOU KNOW, I WAS IN

KINDERGARTEN, THEY WERE STILL IN

HIGH SCHOOL, I REMEMBER IT.

I REMEMBER IT LIKE IT WAS

YESTERDAY.

I USED TO SEE 'EM IN THE

HALLWAYS--

"HEY, DAD.

I NEED LUNCH MONEY."

(LAUGHTER)

"I'M GOING TO MY LOCKER.

SCREW YOU!"

(LAUGHTER)

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