Jackie Kashian - North Platt, NE

  • Season 7 , Ep 4
  • 02/27/2003
  • Views: 6,530

This town is filled with horrible, horrible people. (1:29)

Jackie Kashian: I LOVE DOING

STAND-UP COMEDY.

STAND-UP COMEDY'S MY FAVORITE

THING TO DO.

AND I GO ALL OVER THE COUNTRY

AND I DO STAND-UP COMEDY.

AND I LOVE WHEREVER I GO BECAUSE

I AM A PEOPLE PERSON.

BUT NOW, I HAVE BEEN TO A

BAD PLACE, A PLACE I WILL NOT BE

RETURNING TO.

AND THAT PLACE HAS A NAME

AND IT'S NORTH PLATTE, NEBRASKA.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO

NORTH PLATTE, NEBRASKA?

IT SUCKS.

IT IS THE WORST PLACE ON THE

PLANET.

I HATE THEM.

I HATE THEIR CHILDREN.

I WON'T EAT THEIR CATTLE.

THEY'RE HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE

PEOPLE.

WHEN MY CAREER WAS SOARING,

I TOURED NEBRASKA.

DON'T GET ME WRONG, I'VE BEEN

ALL OVER NEBRASKA, CARNIE,

COLUMBUS, OMAHA, LINCOLN.

AND THE REST OF NEBRASKA

IS FINE.

THEY HAVE THE OPPOSABLE THUMB.

THEY GET CABLE.

IT'S ALL WORKIN' OUT FOR 'EM.

IN NORTH PLATTE, NEBRASKA,

IT'S A BUNCH OF MORONS, OKAY?

AND I HAVE A THEORY THAT

OSAMA BIN LADEN IS HIDING IN

NORTH PLATTE, NEBRASKA, AND THAT

WE SHOULD BOMB IT JUST IN CASE.

(LAUGHTER)

IF I AM WRONG, WHAT HAVE WE

LOST?

THE OTHER GREAT THING ABOUT

GOING AROUND THE COUNTRY IS THAT

I GET TO VISIT MY PARENTS FOR

FREE.

I RECOMMEND YOU WORK THAT INTO

YOUR LIVES SOMEHOW.

I LOVE MY PARENTS.

THEY ARE VERY, VERY FUNNY

PEOPLE.

I COME BY THIS VERY HONESTLY.

THEY ARE NOT NICE PEOPLE.

THEY ARE FUNNY.

THEY MAKE UP FOR IT WITH

THE FUNNY.

AND GRANTED, I WAS A MOUTHY

CHILD.

I WILL GIVE THEM THAT.

MY MOTHER, WHEN SHE'D HAVE

ENOUGH OF IT, SHE'D SAY,

"COME HERE, SIT ON MY LAP.

LET'S LOOK UP ORPHANAGES."

(LAUGHTER)

SURE.

FUNNY NOW.

AND MY FATHER'S A SALESMAN.

Loading...