Christopher Titus - Paying Dues

Christopher Titus: Voice in My Head Season 1, Ep 101 10/05/2013 Views: 21,169

Christopher Titus wonders what kind of person looks forward to a Saturday night in smalltown Georgia. (1:53)

- THIS IS MY FIFTHCOMEDY SPECIAL,

AND I HAVE TO TELL YOUSOMETHING.

THAT I'M PLAYING THIS THEATERAND THAT YOU GUYS ALL CAME

TONIGHT IS AN HONORAND IT'S HUMBLING,

BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOWSOMETHING.

I EARNED THIS SHIT.

BECAUSE...

[chuckles]

NO, NOT--

I'M TELLING YA.

NO, 'CAUSE I PAID SOME DUES,MAN.

I PLAYED--I PLAYED SHOWSFOR SOME PEOPLE, SOME REDNECKS.

AND I DON'T MEAN THOSE CUTE,JEFF FOXWORTHY REDNECKS.

THEY'RE KIND OF CUDDLY.

I MEAN, THAT SWAMP PEOPLE SHOW

WHERE THEY'RE KILLINGALLIGATOR REDNECKS.

HONEY BOO BOO,THE DARK SIDE.

[in redneck accent] "YEAH,WE CAUGHT US A COUPLE OF GATORS.

"WE'RE GONNA USE THE TAIL FORSOUP, THE SKIN FOR SOME SHOES,

"TAKE THE TEETH DOWNTO THE LOCAL KIOSK AT THE MALL

"AND USE THAT MONEYGO SEE CHRISTOPHER TITUS.

I HEAR THAT SHOW'S A HUMDINGER."

THOSE PEOPLE.

AND I'M NOT DOING A CHARACTER.

THOSE ARE THE PEOPLE.

I DID A SHOW IN LOUISIANAONE TIME,

WHERE PEOPLE FROM MY OWN COUNTRY

COULDN'T QUITE SPEAKTHE LANGUAGE.

I'M IN BATON ROUGE,I'M DOING THIS ONE-NIGHTER,

AND I'M FIVE MINUTES INTOTHE SHOW, AND NOT ONE LAUGH.

AND I DON'T SUCK AT THIS.

I GET ONE LAUGH IN FIVE MINUTES.

DUDE LOOKS AT HIS BUDDY.THIS IS WHAT I HEAR:

[mimics Creole language]

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SPEAKING,BANJO?

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?"

"NO, BOY, THAT'S CREOLE."

"CREOLE, BANJO.KIND OF SOUNDS THE SAME TO ME."

AND I WOULD GO ON THESEROAD TOURS TO THESE HORRIBLE,

ONE-NIGHTERS THROUGHTHESE LITTLE, TINY CLUBS.

AND THE LAST TOURI DID DOWN SOUTH

WAS CALLED "THE MACON TOUR."

IT WAS CALLED THE MACON TOUR'CAUSE THAT WAS THE CROWN JEWEL.

THAT WAS SATURDAY NIGHT.

YOU COULDN'T WAITTO GET TO SATURDAY NIGHT.

DO YOU KNOW HOW SAD YOUR LIFE ISTHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FORWARD

TO GET...TO MACON, GEORGIA?