David Cross - Sorry, Charlie

Anderson, Graham, Cross Season 2, Ep 12 05/26/1993 Views: 11,790

If dolphins were ugly and tasted good, we eat them by the truckload. (3:05)

for cute or clever segues.

And speaking ofthat, I was at this,

um-- I was eating at thisseafood restaurant today--

really nice, you know, fancy--one of those ones where they

got that tank in themiddle of the lobby.

And they let youpick out your own,

uh-- no, no, dolphin, actually.

And it was, uh-- it was good.

It was great.

Well, don't groan.

I mean, it was all tuna-safe.

You know, I wantedto be PC about it.

It was all dolphin-free--tuna-free dolphin.

I mean.

No, isn't that kindof hypocritical

that nobody really caresabout saving the tuna's life.

You don't see anybody out therepicketing to save the tuna.

Just the dolphin, because,you know, it's cute.

That's-- that's whywe can't eat it.

No, it's Flipper.

No, no, no, no, wecan't eat Flipper, no.

Because you know that if adolphin was ugly and tasted

good, we'd be eatingby the truckload.

No one would care.

Really, it's weird.

The only negative thingthat ever happened to a tuna

was-- was born butt-ugly,and it mixes well with mayo.

So sorry, Charlie.

But that's how that works.

And I just think it's weirdthat we project the human idea

of vanity onto theanimal kingdom.

We're not allowed to eat cutefood or domesticated food.

We're not allowed to.

Morally, ethically, it's wrong.

I mean really,ostensibly, I should

be able to eat agreat big steaming

platter full of littlebaby kittens if I want.

You know?


What, because they're cute?

Forget that.

Eat them up.

Cook them.

They're good.

I'm sure.

-Oh sure, I can eat a pig's ass.

I guess that's OKwith everybody.

No problem with that.

Yeah, a pig's ass is all right.

Mm, yeah.

Yeah, give me the part rightby where he dumps outta.

Can you lop thatoff for me, please?

That'd be good.

Hey, put a honey glaze onthat too, while you're at it.


Good-- honey-coated pig's ass.

Make a good littlesnicky-snack right now for me.

No, it's just weird.

It's an odd thing.

And I-- just to deflectthis-- I know I do this bit,

and I always getsome, like, you know,

pseudo-liberal who puts theblinders on as soon as they

hear "Eating dolphins." andthey don't listen to the joke.

And they'll come up to me afterthe shows-- this has happened--

just in my face,indignant, coming up to me

going, (FUNNY VOICE) um, excuseme, uh, comedian, or whatever.

Yeah, I mean, well,no-- yeah, well, we

heard what you were sayingabout eating the dolphins,

and I just wanted to say wrong!


No, um, OK?


I mean, yeah, yeah, I mean,we don't not eat the dolphins

because they're cute.

We don't eat thedolphins, because they're

intelligent, OK?

Think about that,mister, next time, OK?

Just honestly, really, honestly.

And people have said that to me,which I think is really, really

stupid logic, 'cause, youknow, I suppose if you're going

to use that kind ofrationale, then I suppose

we should be eatingthe retarded, really.

If you're going to--