Al Madrigal - Cholo Soccer Dad

  • Season 2 , Ep 6
  • 04/28/2011
  • Views: 26,029

The world's scariest cholo was headed straight for Al Madrigal -- turns out it was just his son's football coach. (4:16)

I MET CHOLO SOCCER DAD.

I HAD NO IDEAHE WAS OUT THERE.

IF YOU DON'T KNOWWHAT A CHOLO IS,

A CHOLO'S LIKE A LATINOGENTLEMEN THAT YOU MAY HAVE SEEN

WEARING WHITE SOCKSPULLED ALL THE WAY UP

AND PLAID SHORTSTO MEET THE WHITE SOCKS,

WHITE T-SHIRT OVERSIZED,MAYBE SOME NECK TATTOOS,

SHAVED HEAD, MOUSTACHE,RIGHT, GOLD CHAIN.

YOU'VE SEEN YOURSELFA CHOLO.

SO, UH...(laughter)

WE TAKE MY SON TO GO TOMIGHTY MITES FOOTBALL PRACTICE

FOR THE FIRST TIME.

THERE'S 4- AND 5-YEAR-OLD'SPLAYING FLAG FOOTBALL.

IT'S ADORABLE.

SO WE TAKE THEM THERE,AND WE'RE AT OUR FIRST PRACTICE,

AND OUT OF THE CORNER OF MY EYE,

I SEE A CHOLOCOMING STRAIGHT FOR US.

EVERYBODY, CLOSE YOUR EYESAND IMAGINE YOUR SCARIEST CHOLO.

THAT GUY IS COMINGRIGHT AT US, RIGHT?

NOW ME AND MY WIFEHAVE BEEN TOGETHER

FOR ABOUT 12 YEARS AND WE'REIN SYNCH AT THAT POINT,

BARELY EVEN NEED TO TALK.

WE HAVE HAND SIGNALSFOR STUFF.

WE REALLY KNOWEACH OTHER WELL.

FOR EXAMPLE, IF MY WIFE HAS TOOMUCH TO DRINK AT A PARTY,

STARTS YAPPING A LITTLE TOOMUCH,

I DON'T HAVE TO SAYANYTHING.

I JUST HAVE TO GO LIKE THIS,THREE LITTLE LEG SQUEEZES,

SHE KNOWS THAT MEANS,"PUT A SOCK IN IT, DRUNKY.

"TIME FOR YOU TO WRAP IT UP.

"SOMEBODY DIDN'T HAVE DINNERLIKE I SUGGESTED,

"NOW YOU'RE SPOUTING OFFAT THE MOUTH

"DIVULGINGALL THE FAMILY SECRETS.

YOU NEED TO PIPE DOWNOR WE GOT TO (bleep) LEAVE."

UH, SO--AND SHE'S COOL WITH IT.

THAT'S THE BEST PART,SHE'S LIKE,

"WAS I TALKING TOO MUCH?THANK YOU."

UH, SO...(laughter)

IT'S THE BEST.

SO I RUB THE BACKOF MY WIFE'S THUMB.

SHE KNOWS THAT MEANS"CHOLO 3:00, LOOK ALIVE."

(laughter)

HE'S COMING RIGHT AT US,

AND A LOT OF NECK TATTOOSHAPPENING, RIGHT?

I'M TRYING TO DECIPHER HIMON THE FLY.

AND I DIDN'T WATCH"PRISON BREAK."

SO I HAVE NO IDEAWHAT THEY MEAN.

IT'S LIKE"WHY IS THE RABBIT CRYING?

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?"

TURNS OUTHE'S OUR SON'S COACH.

ACTUALLY, SWEAR TO GOD.

HE WALKS UP AND HE GOES,"MY NAME'S COACH FRANKIE.

OR YOU CAN CALL ME RASCAL,"AND I'M LIKE, "OH, SEE,

HONEY, WE'RE NOT GONNA DIE,COACH RASCAL'S HERE.

IT'S GONNA BE FINE."

(laughter)

HE THEN PRODUCESA SNACK LIST.

WHEN YOUR CHILD'SIN ANY SPORT,

THE TEAM MOM OR IN THIS CASEA VERY SCARY CHOLO

HAS AN ORGANIZED SNACK LISTTO DETERMINE

WHO'S GONNA BRING SNACKON WHICH DAY.

BY THE WAY,IF YOU'RE A YOUNG PARENT,

YOU WANNA BRING SNACKAT THE BEGINNING OF THE SEASON

WHEN EXPECTATIONS ARE LOW.

YOU'RE GONNA BRINGSOME TEDDY GRAHAMS,

SOME CUT-UP FRUIT,CAPRI SUNS, YOU BROWN BAG IT.

YOU WANNA GO CRAZY,THROW A GO-GURT IN THERE.

EVERYBODY'S HAPPY.

WHAT HAPPENS IN THE MIDDLEOF THE SEASON

IS SOME UNPREPARED JERKWITH DISPOSABLE INCOME

BRINGS HAPPY MEALS,RUINS IT FOR EVERYBODY,

AND THEN AT THE ENDOF THE SEASON,

YOU GOT TO BRING A DJ,PIZZA AND A STRIPPER

AND EVERYBODY'S STILLCOMPLAINING LIKE,

"ARE THESE SONGS SLOW TO YOU?WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?

SHE SEEMS OLDER."

(laughter)

ANYWAY,THE CHOLO MADE A SNACK LIST.

IT'S PERFECTLY LAID OUTIN MICROSOFT WORD TABLES.

HE DIDN'T GO WITHTHE GOTHIC-Y CHOLO FONT

LIKE YOU'D EXPECT HIM TO,EITHER.

HE USED ARIAL,LIKE WE ALL SHOULD.

THE CHOLO MADE A SNACK LIST,AND HE'S THE WORST COACH EVER,

BUT YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHINGABOUT IT.

HE ACTUALLY SAID THISTO THE KIDS.

THIS IS A QUOTE FROM THE CHOLOTO THE CHILDREN.

HE SAID, "YOU GUYSGOT TO PAY ATTENTION

OR YOU'RE GONNA HAVEBAD DREAMS!"

(laughter)

THAT IS NOT IN THE JOHN WOODENTRIANGLE OF COACHING, RIGHT?

SO YOU SAW MY SON, WHO'S SORTOF A CHICKEN (bleep) ANYWAY,

LOOK AT MY WIFE LIKE,

"MOMMY, AM I REALLYGONNA HAVE BAD DREAMS?"

AND THEN MY WIFE GAVE ME ONEOF THESE,

SHE GAVE ME THE HAND SQUEEZEWITH THE HEAD NOD WHICH MEANS

"GET IN THERE, A-HOLE,AND DO SOMETHING

AND SAY SOMETHING OR I'M GONNADO SOMETHING ABOUT IT MYSELF,"

AND I COUNTERED WITHAN EVEN HARDER HAND SQUEEZE,

AND I LOOKED AT HER AND SAID,"WE'RE NOT SAYING (bleep).

"LET COACH RASCAL CONDUCTHIS BUSINESS

"OR WE'RE GONNA FIND OUTWHY THE RABBIT'S CRYING

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