Tess - Nipples

  • Season 9 , Ep 5
  • 02/24/2005
  • Views: 2,317

Tess used to have a 56FF bra size. (1:58)

COLLEGES, YOU KNOW.

BUT I DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE AT 19, 20, THESE GIRLS--

I DON'T KNOW.

SOMETIMES WHAT THEY BE TALKING

ABOUT.

I JUST WANNA GET MY CHECK AND

GO BASICALLY.

YOU KNOW?

I DON'T FEEL GOOD SOMETIMES.

AND I WAS DOING THIS SHOW AND

THIS GIRL WAS LIKE JUST GIVE ME

MY CHECK AND LET ME GO, RIGHT?

WELL, SHE JUST WANTED TO TALK.

"OH MY GOD, TESS.

OH, MY GOD.

YOU WERE REALLY FUNNY.

YOU WERE REALLY, REALLY FUNNY.

OKAY.

DO YOU MIND IF WE CHAT FOR A

MINUTE, GIRLFRIEND TO

GIRLFRIEND?"

I'M LIKE, "SHOOT, I AIN'T GOT

A CHOICE.

YOU GOT MY CHECK.

[BLEEP]."

[LAUGHTER]

"ANYWAY, IT SEEMS LIKE YOU'VE

BEEN WITH A LOT OF MEN, AND--"

"DID YOU JUST CALL ME A HO?"

[LAUGHTER]

"AND I JUST FOUND OUT MY

BOYFRIEND TODD HAS BEEN CHEATING

ON ME AGAIN."

"AND I'M LIKE, 'OH MY GOD,

TODD, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE

DOING THIS TO ME.'

I'M THINKING MAYBE NOW WE WON'T

GET MARRIED AFTER COLLEGE,

YOU KNOW, AND MAYBE I'LL JUST BE

A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN LIKE

YOU AND MOVE TO AFRICA AND HELP

YOUR PEOPLE SAVE THE WHALES."

[LAUGHTER]

SO NOW I'M THINKING TWO THINGS

BASICALLY.

ONE, WHO THE HELL TOLD HER THERE

WAS SOME WHALES IN AFRICA NEED

SAVING.

[LAUGHTER]

AND SECONDLY, HOW MUCH JAIL TIME

I GET IF I CHOKE THIS HEIFER.

YOU KNOW?

I MEAN I AIN'T GONNA CHOKE HER

ALL THE WAY.

I'M JUST GONNA CHOKE HER

A LITTLE BIT.

I JUST NEEDED MY CHECK, 'CAUSE

I NEED TO GO HAVE MY NIPPLES

FIXED.

[LAUGHTER]

AND Y'ALL THINK I'M PLAYIN',

BUT THAT'S SERIOUS.

OH, I DIDN'T TELL YOU ABOUT MY

NIPPLES, HUH?

YEAH.

WELL, I HAD A LITTLE EXTRA CASH

AND I DECIDED TO GET A BREAST

REDUCTION, 'CAUSE USED TO WEAR A

56 DOUBLE F, OKAY.

YEAH, THAT'S A WHOLE LOT OF

BREAST.

Y'ALL KNOW, HUH.

AND NEVER GO TO TIJUANA AND HAVE

YOUR BREASTS DONE.

THAT'S ALL I'M SAYIN'.

SO I DON'T KNOW IF THE DOCTORS

THOUGHT THIS WAS LIKE A LITTLE

JOKEY JOKE IN THEIR OPERATIN'

ROOM OR WHAT, BUT THEY DECIDED

TO LEAVE THAT DOUBLE F NIPPLE

ON A D BREAST.

[LAUGHTER]

AFTER ALL OF THAT, I DON'T WANT

Y'ALL TO THINK I'M PERFECT, SO I

TOO HAVE A DYSFUNCTION

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