David Feldman - Sexism

  • Season 7 , Ep 19
  • 06/19/2003
  • Views: 2,634

If women ran the world, there'd be no wars. (2:24)

I HEAR A COUPLE-A HISSING AND

A LITTLE MOANING HERE TONIGHT,

AND YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

I'M DISGUSTING, I DON'T DESERVE

TO PLAY IN NEW YORK CITY.

TURN AWAY.

DON'T LOOK AT ME, YOUNG LADY.

I DON'T DESERVE YOUR LOVE.

YOUR PITY, THAT'S ALL I ASK FOR.

I'VE HAD A VERY TRAGIC LIFE.

MY FATHER MOLESTED MY IMAGINARY

FRIEND...

[LAUGHTER]

RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME THREE WEEKS

AGO.

[LAUGHTER]

MY FATHER IS A MAN'S MAN.

STORMED THE BEACHES OF NORMANDY

DURING THE VIETNAM WAR.

[LAUGHTER]

AND I KNOW I SOUND LIKE

A SEXIST PIG, BUT LET ME TELL

YOU SOMETHING GALS.

THE MINUTE A MAN HAS A BABY

DAUGHTER, AND I'VE HAD SIX,

IT TURNS HIM INTO AN INSTANT

FEMINIST 'CAUSE I KNOW WHAT MEN

ARE CAPABLE OF THINKING.

AND THE THOUGHT OF MY LITTLE

ANGEL GOING OUT ON HER FIRST

DATE, WHEN THAT GUY COMES

TO PICK HER UP, WHEN SHE'S 32.

[LAUGHTER]

AND NOW I GOTTA STRAIGHTEN

THIS GUY OUT: "YOU TREAT

MY DAUGHTER WITH RESPECT.

YOU BUY HER BREAKFAST IF SHE

PUTS OUT."

[LAUGHTER]

I WISH WOMEN RAN THE WORLD.

I REALLY DO.

IF WOMEN RAN THE WORLD,

THERE'D BE NO WARS.

THERE WOULDN'T BE A MOMENT'S

PEACE...

[LAUGHTER]

BUT THERE'D BE NO WARS.

I THINK GOD IS A WOMAN.

NOW DO YOU LIKE ME LADIES?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU.

GOD IS A WOMAN.

HOW ELSE DO YOU EXPLAIN ALL

THE PAIN AND SUFFERING ON THIS

PLANET?

[LAUGHTER]

"THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT

ADULTERY."

NOW YOU KNOW NO GUY WOULD HAVE

EVER DREAMED THAT ONE UP.

[APPLAUSE]

GOD IS WOMAN BECAUSE WOMEN ARE

BETTER THAN MEN IN EVERY WAY.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

RIGHT ON, SISTERS!

ESPECIALLY, BECAUSE YOU CAN

GIVE THEM A WEDGIE FROM THE BACK

AND THE FRONT.

[LAUGHTER]

DID I MENTION I'M GETTING

A DIVORCE?

[LAUGHTER]

I GOT SEVEN KIDS OUT OF HER,

I'M DONE.

[LAUGHTER]

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