Lisa Landry - Groundhog Day

  • Season 11, Ep 8
  • 02/01/2007
  • Views: 14,435

Marriage is like the movie "Groundhog Day." (2:28)

THEY'RE LYING. THEY ARE.

PEOPLE TELL YOU WHAT YOU GOTTA DO

OR WHAT SUPPOSED TO BE FUN. LIKE, I'M MARRIED, RIGHT?

I THOUGHT IT WASGONNA BE A LOT MORE FUN

'CAUSE THAT'S HOW PEOPLE MADE IT SEEM.

DON'T GET ME WRONG, I LOVE MY HUSBAND,

BUT MARRIAGE ISN'T THAT MUCH FUN.

WHEN YOU GET ENGAGED THOUGH,

THEY TELL YOUIT'S GONNA BE EXCITING.

YOU'RE GONNA GET MARRIED.

IT'S GONNA BE ROMANTIC AND GREAT AND FUN.

IT'S GONNA BE LIKE THE MOVIE, TITANIC.

MARRIAGE IS LIKE THE MOVIE GROUNDHOG DAY.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

YOU WAKE UP. YOU LOOK OVER AT YOUR ALARM CLOCK-- PUGH!

YOU LOOK BACK AT YOUR MATE AND YOU THINK,

"OH MY GOD,NOT THIS [BLEEP] AGAIN."

- [WHIMPERING] - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

BUT IT'S NOT FUN. I KNOW, 'CAUSE I LIKE TO HAVE FUN.

THAT'S WHY I MARRIED MY HUSBAND.

'CAUSE HE'S ALL FOCUSED AND MATURE,

AND HE CAN KEEP ME FROM HAVING TOO MUCH FUN.

THAT'S WHY YOU GOTTA FIND A MATETHAT BALANCES YOU OUT.

LIKE HE'S ALL MATURE AND RESPONSIBLE AND OVERLY ANALYTICAL.

HE LOVES TO SOLVE PROBLEMS.

AND I'D LOVE TO HAVE SOMEBODY IN MY LIFE

THAT HOLDS MY HAIR BACK WHEN I PUKE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

IT'S BALANCE.

HE'S ALWAYS FINDING SOLUTIONSFOR EVERY LITTLE THING.

LIKE, I CAN'T FIND MY KEYS. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENS.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY GO. BUT HE GOT ME A KEY BOWL.

"I GOT YOU A KEY BOWL SO YOU CANALWAYS FIND YOUR KEYS, LISA.

- "IT'S A KEY BOWL. - [LAUGHTER]

"YOU PUT YOUR KEYS IN THE KEY BOWL.

"IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE. THE KEYS GO IN THE KEY BOWL.

KEYS IN THE KEY BOWL. KEYS IN THE KEY BOWL."

I CAN'T DO THIS. I KNOW IT SOUNDS IRRATIONAL BUT IT FEELS CORPORATE.

LIKE IT'S A BIG RULE I HAVE TO FOLLOW.

"PUT YOUR KEYS IN THE KEY BOWL."

SO NOW, I WAIT FOR HIM TO PUT HIS KEYS IN THE KEY BOWL

- AND I HIDE THE KEY BOWL. - [LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

AND I'M LIKE A 12 YEAR-OLD. I'M LIKE, "OH, YOU CAN'T FIND

"YOUR KEYS EITHER? [CHILDISH LAUGHTER]

- CHECK THE FREEZER." - [LAUGHTER]

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