I ALWAYS GET A LITTLE WORRIED
BEFORE A SHOW.
I DID A SHOW AT A COLLEGE NOT
TOO LONG AGO.
IT WAS ACTUALLY A PRIVATE SHOW
FOR A FRATERNITY.
AND THEY DIDN'T LIKE ME 'CAUSE
I TOLD 'EM I WAS NEVER IN A
FRAT, YOU KNOW?
AND I COULD HAVE BEEN IF I'DA
JUST HELD THAT EGG IN MY ASS
EIGHT SECONDS LONGER.
[LAUGHTER]
I WAS LIKE, "OH, NO!
[LAUGHTER]
NOW HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MAKE
FRIENDS?"
[LAUGHTER]
EVERY TIME I DO A SHOW AT A
COLLEGE, I ALWAYS MEET ONE OF
THOSE SUPER ACHIEVER.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT?
PEOPLE THAT BRAG THEY'RE GETTING
OUT OF COLLEGE EARLY.
IS THAT THE WORD?
YOU HEAR SOMEONE DO THAT?
"YEAH, I'M GONNA TAKE A DOUBLE
LOAD NEXT SEMESTER.
I'M GONNA GO DOUBLE, I'M GONNA
DOUBLE UP.
[LAUGHTER]
GONNA GO TO SUMMER SCHOOL,
I'M GONNA TAKE CLASSES 8 TO 5
EVERY DAY.
I'M OUT OF COLLEGE IN THREE
YEARS.
FOUR-YEAR DEGREE, THREE YEARS!
I'M OUT, GOOD-BYE!"
[LAUGHTER]
HEY, SLOW DOWN SPEED RACER.
[LAUGHTER]
IT'S NOT A CONTEST.
YOU DON'T GET A PRIZE IF YOU
FINISH COLLEGE FIRST.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU GET?
A JOB AND A BOSS.
YOU FRICKIN' LOSE!
[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]
WHO IS ADVISING THESE KIDS,
YOU KNOW?
WHAT ARE THEY THINKIN'?
"OOH, I CAN'T WAIT TO GET UP
EXTRA EARLY EVERY DAY FOREVER!"
[LAUGHTER]
SHIRT AND TIE, RUSH HOUR
TRAFFIC, CUBICLE, BOSS
BITCHIN' AT ME, CASUAL FRIDAY,
LOOK OUT!
[LAUGHTER]
I CAN'T WAIT TO BE CASUAL.
[LAUGHTER]
I THINK THAT'S FUNNY, GROWNUPS
LOOKIN' FORWARD TO CASUAL
FRIDAY.
I FIGURE THERE'S GOTTA BE ONE
GUY REALLY INTO IT, YOU KNOW?
HE'S AT HOME WITH A CALENDAR.
"WEDNESDAY'S DONE.
[LAUGHTER]
ONE MORE DAY AND THEN LOOK OUT.
I HAVE GOT A POLO SHIRT THAT'S
GONNA TAKE THEIR [BLEEP] HEADS
OFF.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
HELLO, LADIES, WOULD YOU LIKE
TO MEET MY FRIEND RALPH?
RALPH LAUREN.
[LAUGHTER]