Elvira Kurt - Childhood Clothing

  • Season 2, Ep 2
  • 05/28/1999
  • Views: 7,436

As a kid, Elvira never took off her bathing suit. (2:22)

THAT YOU COULD MISSABOUT CHILDHOOD...

THE THING I MISS MOSTIS HOW UNSELF-CONSCIOUS WE WERE

ABOUT OUR APPEARANCE.

DO YOU EVER REMEMBER HAVING ABAD HAIR DAY WHEN YOU WERE FIVE?

HELL, NO. YOU'RE FIVE YEARS OLD

YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING

YOUR HAIR'S STANDING STRAIGHTON END...

"I LOOK GOOD.

"I'VE BEEN SLEEPINGIN MY BATHING SUIT

AND I FEEL FINE."

YOU DO THATWHEN YOU WERE A KID?

SLEEP IN YOUR BATHING SUIT?

OH, MAN, I WOULDN'T EVEN TAKEIT OFF TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.

I JUST MOVED IT ON OVER.

( laughter and applause )

AND YOU KNOW OUR PARENTS KNEW WEDIDN'T CARE WHAT WE LOOKED LIKE.

THEY WERE THE ONESWHO PICKED OUR CLOTHES.

YOU WANT TO SEEWHAT A GOOD LAUGH

THEY WERE HAVINGBEHIND YOUR BACK

GO THROUGHYOUR OLD PHOTO ALBUMS.

PICK OUT A FEW CHOICE OUTFITS.

SHOW THESE PICTURESTO YOUR FOLKS

AND SAY, "DIDN'T YOU LOVE ME?

( audience laughing )

"WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THISLITTLE NUMBER RIGHT HERE?

"WHY EXACTLY AM IIN A SAILOR SUIT?

"WAS I IN THE NAVY THEN?

( laughter )

HAVE I SEEN SOME ACTION?"

( laughter )

I HAVE A WHOLE SERIESOF PHOTOGRAPHS

OF ME WEARING SOMETHINGMY MOTHER MADE FOR ME.

NO...

CROCHETED.

YES, PICTURE THIS: A TWO-PIECE,HOT PINK, POLYESTER KNIT...

PANTSUIT.

COURSE, I PUT IT ON.

I WAS FIVE YEARS OLD.

I WAS LIKE, "THANKS, MOMMY.GOES WITH MY BATHING SUIT."

RAN OUTSIDE TO PLAY.

SHE MUST HAVE SHUT THE DOORAND KILLED HERSELF LAUGHING.

( audience laughing )

"I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE PUT IT ON."

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

I GOT HER BACK.

WHEN I TOLD HER I WAS A LESBIAN20 YEARS LATER

I BLAMED IT ON THE PANTSUIT.

( laughter and applause )

YES, MY SECRET'S OUT.

I LOVE PANTSUITS, DAMN YOU.

( laughter )

YOUR POLYESTER PHOBIC WAYS.

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