Jaclyn's Condition

  • Season 2 , Ep 212
  • 08/25/2011
  • Views: 13,758

Grimes, Randall and Callie search for Mark while Jaclyn explains how she became a She-Beast. (2:27)

ALL THESE YEARS IT NEVEROCCURRED TO ME

THAT THAT THINGCOULD BE A CHICK,

AND I'VE ALWAYS CONSIDEREDMYSELF A PRETTY PROGRESSIVE GUY.

- MARK?WHEREFORE ART THOU, MARK?

I AM LEARNING THE QUEEN'SENGLISH FOR YOU, MY LOVE.

HUH?

- YOU'RE LATE TO THE PARTY,CALLIE.

MARK'S BEEN ABDUCTEDBY A SHE-BEAST.

- MARK!

NOW I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO TELLHIM HOW I FEEL IN PROPER SYNTAX.

- NOT SO FAST.

WE'VE GOT ANOTHER CLUE.

FIRST RULE OF POLICE WORK:

TURDS DO NOT LIE.

MM.

I'M TASTING PINKBERRY.

CHARLESTON CHEW.

DEFINITELY CHARLESTON CHEW.

- PREPOSTEROUS!

PINKBERRY DOESN'TOFFER CHARLESTON CHEW

IN THEIR TOPPINGS BUFFET.

EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.

- THE PINKBERRYS IN CHELSEAAND THE UPPER EAST SIDE

HAVE CHARLESTON CHEW.

ONLY TWO IN THE CITY.

I MAY BE A DEMON,BUT I'M ALSO A GIRL.

- I'LL STAKE OUT UPTOWN,YOU TAKE DOWNTOWN.

CALL ME IF YOU SEE ANYTHING,

YOU KNOW, BESIDES THIN WOMENWAITING IN LINE.

[romantic saxophone music]

- [joyous grunting]

- [muffled protesting]

[sputters]

THAT REALLY STRETCHED OUTMY JAW, JACLYN.

- MY PLEASURE!

PAJAMA JEANS HAVE MADEMY CONDITION MORE MANAGEABLE.

- HOW THE HELLDID THIS HAPPEN TO YOU?

- WHY, YOU DID THIS TO ME,MY LOVE.

- I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS, MARK.

I'M SCARED.

- JACLYN, I WANT YOUTO PICTURE US

14 YEARS, 5 MONTHS,AND 6 DAYS FROM NOW.

WE'RE LIVING ON OUR HOUSEBOATWITH OUR CHILDREN,

ETHAN AND DESIREE.

- THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL.

- BUT THEY'RE UPSET.

"MOMMY, WHY CAN'T YOU HAVE

THE MOST IMPORTANT MEALOF THE DAY WITH US?"

AND YOU SAY, "BECAUSE I'M AFRAIDOF THE EGGS YOUR FATHER MAKES,"

AND AFTER SEEING THEIR PARENTS

PITTED AGAINST EACH OTHERLIKE THIS,

THEY TURN ELSEWHEREFOR A ROLE MODEL:

THE STREET, WHERE THEY LEARNABOUT COCAINE AND ANAL SEX.

IT'S GUARANTEED.

- OH, PLEASE STOP.STOP.

I'LL DO IT.

I'LL CONQUER MY ALLERGY.

- THAT'S MY GIRL.

- [chokes]

THROAT'S--MY THROAT'S CLOSING UP.

- NO.NO, NO, NO.

DON'T YOU DAREBLAME THE EGGS FOR THIS.

RELATIONSHIP ANXIETYIS WHAT'S CLOSING YOUR THROAT.

NOW, DO YOU WANT TO FIGHTFOR MARK AND JACKIE,

OR DO YOU WANT TO GOTO THE HOSPITAL?

- [choking]HOSPITAL.

[whispering]HO--HOSPITAL.

[siren warbles]

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