Nikki Glaser - Ma'am, Can I Get Your Name?

Nikki Glaser Season 2, Ep 2 05/03/2013 Views: 32,433

Nikki Glaser describes several irritating encounters with passive-aggressive Starbucks employees. (2:05)

I got called "Ma'am" today,

which I don't appreciate.

I'm not ma'am yet.Don't call me...

I just turned 25in June of 2009,

and that's how I'm saying it.


(laughs):Choosing to say it.

It happened at Starbucks.She was, like,

"Ma'am, can I get your namefor your drink? Ma'am? Ma'am?"

I turned around, like, where'sthe deaf old bitch?

I was like...


And then she was,like, "No, ma'am, you."

I was, like,"Does she want to fight? Uh..."

'Cause "ma'am" is rude."Ma'am" is...

On the spectrum of thingsto call a woman,

"ma'am" is, like,slightly under (bleep).

I think it's justa little bit nicer

than (bleep).

Not much, either.She could have been, like,

"Hey (bleep),can I get your name?"

I would have been, like,

"You can just write (bleep)on the cup. That's fun."


I'll know it's me.

Even though you'llprobably spell it wrong. Um...


They, uh, the name thing there,

they are alwayspassive-aggressive.

The other day, same scenario.

"Ma'am, can I get your name?"I was, like, "Nikki."

She was, like, "Dickie?"She starts writing "Dickie."

Real committed to "Dickie."

Everyone around me was,like, "Dickie?"

I was, like, "Yeah, it's Dickie.

"It's, uh, well,it's short for Dick-ole,

but she can call me "Dickie."

(scattered applause)Dickie.

My name is... Nikki.

There's a bunchof different ways to spell it.

I, um, I choose N-I-K-K-I.But I change it.

I was dating a guy named Nick

for a while--I changed it to N-I-C-K-Y.

I dated a black guyfor a while-- changed it

to N-I-Q-U-E-$.

I felt that that was fun.

It's creative.Thank you. Yeah.

We had a good time.

Then we broke up, and soI changed it to N-I-K-K-K-I.

I didn't want to do it.

It's not likeI'm proud of that.

I'm just stating... facts.

I was hurt, I was hurt.

I'm not... I'm not racist.That's not it.

I'm actuallyone of these people,

like, I hate the "N" word...

who lives in my building;I think he's a jerk, but...

I don't have a problemwith anyone else.